Letters from the Grave Stone

I didn't say that

"Listen, Gerardo Wayo Mayo Slayo Jayo-"

"Stop, Phil."

"Just because Gaunto doesn't sound cool with anything.."

"No, not that. You're talking to me like I'm your friend."

I'd call him every other day, and sometimes he'd answer.

Maybe twice a week, if I'm lucky.

What did the guy expect from me? I only talked to him a few times a month and this was the second month.

"No, you're my enemy!"

"I want to be your boyfriend."

"Don't hold back, huh?"

"I'm getting too old for the cutesy phone calls every once in a while. I want something real. A relationship. Not two puppies playing."

"Aw, I want a puppy."

"PHILIPPA JANE GAUNT!"

"When did you learn my middle name, stalker?"

"Who's that crying in the background?"

"My brother, Grubbs, you don't know him. He had sex with an angel and hasn't heard from her since."

"Wait what?!"

"That's exactly what I said when I fantasized about having sex with you in french class. I MEAN MY BROTHER IS SAD, I SHOULD GO TO HIM!!"

I hung up and Marisa was giggling.

"You fucking turtle! Shut up!"

"Why'd you call me a turtle, Philippa?"

"I TOLD GERARD I DREAMED OF HAVING SEX WITH HIM WHEN I WAS 14!!!!"

"YOU NEVER TOLD ME THIS!"

"IT WAS BEFORE WE WERE FRIENDS!"

"THAT'S SO WEIRD. HE WAS SO CHUBBY!"

"IT WAS KINDA HOT!!" I bit my lip, blushing.

I loved Gerard before anyone else did.