Chapter 4

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The bell finally rang for the third time in the past 3 hours, I had been sitting in my JEEP since 3rd period and it was now the end of the day. It didn't surprise me that nobody came looking for me, I didn't have any classes with my only friends after 1st period. I sighed Just 2 more days Hailey, you can make it. I thought to myself. What the hell are you talking about? You're going to get killed by then end of tomorrow if anything! Just go home and do what you usually do. Cut, c'mon you know you need to Hailey.

Shrugging it off I backed out of the parking space and into the not so crowded streets. It looked as if practically everyone was walking today, I shook my head and refocused on the moving traffic. Amanda had dance class, Niall and Harry had a football game they had left for during 4th period. So, I would be without friends tonight. My parents and Robert were out of town, they were starting summer vacation without me; well I really didn't feel like going to Vancouver just to go skiing in the summer. 

*****

At the moment I was sitting at a red light and my cheeks were stained with tears, I couldn't take it any longer. I was sick of people always making fun of me, I was sick of feeling like I don't belong, I was sick of absolutely everything. Honestly, I never understood why I couldn't just blend in like everyone else at my school; why can't people just leave me alone? I never did anything to make them tease me all the time. It just kind of happened and I absolutely hated all of it. 

A little bit of the weight on my heart went away as my house came into sight, I pulled into the driveway and ran into the house and up to the bathroom. The tears were just coming out and there was nothing I could do to stop them. For a few moments I searched for my razor, once I found it I sat down in front of the bath tub and took in a deep breath. 

*****

A few minutes later I looked down at my arm, I knew that I would need a long sleeved shirt for sure. Instead of just cutting my wrist I managed to go all the way up my forearm. I managed to cut the word 'Beast' into my arm, I looked at it and the tears just came even faster. The taste of salt invaded my mouth as I let out a sob. What the hell am I doing, I have to stop doing this to myself. If anyone sees this I'll die from embarrassment or something! I thought, then the little voice interupted. You don't have anything else to resort to, and we both know you would much rather do this than smoke and do drugs. 

"NO! SHUT UP! YOU STUPID, STUPID VOICE! JUST SHUT UP!" I screamed, my voice ecoed throughout the house. "I have to stop doing this to myself, I am so much better than this!" I exclaimed, whiping the tears from my face. 

Calmly, I got up and crossed the hall into my bedroom, I opened the window and threw the rasor out the window infront of me. Right into the large garbage bins that were beside my house. I went back into the bathroom and retrieved all of my other razors and threw them all out the window as well. All of my drawers and secret compartments and pockets and such were all cleared of razors as well. I pulled out my phone and created a group text chat. 

"Meet me at my place, ASAP. If Niall is with any of you bring him as well. It's an emmergency" I sent the message to both Amanda and Harry.

Today was the day I would finally get help. I would finally grow up and stop cutting, I would regain control of my life.

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