It's been a week since i last saw Austin. He hasn't come to school and hasn't been coming over my house either.
I asked Ryder if he has seen him but all i keep getting is the same statement. "No i haven't seen him."
I honeslty don't know but ever since last week i have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that doesn't want to leave.
I have been thinking of him all week and having dreams about the day in the closet.
I try to get mad at him for just leaving at a sudden instant but i guess i can't. My body and heart aren't letting me feel the sudden hate i use to have for him.
I honestly don't know what im feeling. What am i feeling? I can't even focus on that since I'm only focused on where Austin could be and why isn't he here.
I miss him and that's weird coming from me since i hated him. Everyone thinks im going crazy or something because I'm not talking to them. But how could i talk to them when the person i lov- like isn't here.
I don't know if i miss him or if i miss what we did. Forget it. I have to stop thinking about him.
I put my head in my hands as i rub my face.
"What you thinking about Becky?" Kimmy asks as she eats her lunch across from me.
"Just about Austin." i rub my temple.
Kimmy gave me a confused look and kept eating her lunch. "Am i missing something? Don't you hate him?"
"I wasn't planning on telling you but last monday something happened" i paused for about a second or two "Austin and i kissed and he just ran off. I haven't seen or talked to him and i wanna see him." I said and let a huff out and closed my eyes.
Once i open my eyes i see a wide eyed Kimmy. Is she okay?
"I knew it i totally knew it." she smiled and did a little dance. What's up with her? "Becky is in looovvee." she exaggerates then winks at me.
"I am not in love." i tell her.
"Yes you are. Becky is in love." She smiles and i swear im going to punch this girl. Im literally tired of her with this love bullshit. But what if i do love him? I just wanna go home. Thank god there is only one period left.
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30 minutes until 7th period is over which means i can go home and sleep. I haven't learned anything since Austin is all i think about. Like can you please get out of my head.
"Well hello Becky." I hear Theo say as he moves next to me.
"Hey." i say with a plain voice.
"Why so dry for gosh." he smiles and puts his hands up i surrender.
He is so freaking cute, nice, and not annoying. Why can't i fall for someone like him instead of Austin.
Wait did i just say im falling for Austin. Oh my gosh i have to get out of this school pronto.
"I just haven't been in the greatest mood lately." i gave him half a smile.
"Why so. You are beautiful, you should smile more often." He picks up my chin and makes me smile.
"There you go." He smiles back.
All out of no where the bell rings. Wow time literally flys by quickly.
I pick my backpack up and put it on my shoulder and make my way to my brother's car quickly. He let me borrow it because he doesn't feel good and he is my ride so i decided to ride myself.
As i made my way home i spotted 2 cars in my drive way. One of them was Ryder's and i could tell its his because i have basically known him forever. Also i have been in his car many times.
The other i didn't really recognize. So i just parked the car and made my way into my home dropping the car keys on the kitchen counter.
As i walked up the stairs towards my room i heard voices from my brother's room. I decided to check up on Cameron since he is sick.
I opened the door and saw Cameron, Ryder and Austin playing video games. Freaking Austin.
They all turned and looked at me since i made noise when i opened the door.
Austin looked directly into my eyes and i decided to just run to my room before i started crying.
Why am i feeling like this? Where are these feelings coming from? Why is this world so complicated?
I could feel someone chasing after me but i made it in my room right on time that i could close my door. But obviously right when i was about to lock it Austin had to come in. Really, why life.
I have no choice then to sit down on my bed because he closed and locked the door behind him.
He started walking closer to me. "I can explain."
I stood up. "Explain what? That you kissed me and admit some type of weird feelings towards me then just leave like flash. Then i don't see you for a whole week? What do you want me to do. Be calm? No no no honey. You don't even know how i feel and i was suffering for a whole week, not seeing you and not knowing why i feel this way for you. Why do i have to be this confused. Can't i just hate you, that would be so much easier!" i pace back and forth in front of him.
"You don't think i felt the same? Huh. I wouldn't have kissed you for no reason. Becky i left because i was trying to clear my mind and now i realize that i like you or i don't know what the feeling is but i had to go!"
I looked at him like he was stupid. "I want you to stay away from me. I don't want these feelings and mostly for you!" i yelled at him.
"You know you don't mean that Becky, you know what you feel towards me is real."
"How are you going to tell me what is real or not when you don't even know what real is?!"
He started walking towards me and he cupped my face. "You know what you feel is real."
He then softly placed his lips on mine and brushed them, teasing me like if he was waiting for me to lean in.
I looked at his eyes then back at his lips that were millimeters away from mine.
He then fully placed his lips on mine and my lips instantly moved with his with no warning. I closed my eyes shut and cupped his face.
He let go of my face and put his hands on my hips, pushing me closer to his warm body then walking a bit backwards until he pushed me on my bed.
He continued to kiss me and bite my lower lip until he stopped and looked at me staright in the eyes as he hovered over me.
The fire that was there when we kissed was gone and i wanted it back so badly. I just needed his plump lips back on mine.
We kept staring into eachothers eyes like if we were staring into space. His eyes had a special glow that i couldn't make out, but it made me smile.
"So is it real or not." He asks making me turn away from his face in embarrassment.
"Does this answer your question?" i said while leaning to kiss his perfect plump lips to feel that fire that i really missed.
"Yes, yes it does." He smiled as he pulled away.
