Even Our Angels Looked Surprised

Chapter 10

Ali flew back to Frankfurt, but being back in Germany didn't help like she thought it would. She spent a lot of time remembering Ashlyn's face, how empty her eyes had looked that night.

She shouldn't have left the room. She should have stayed. She should have told Ashlyn so many things. That she was scared. That she was confused. That she was in love with her. But she hadn't, and that was done. The choice had already been made.

After a month in Frankfurt, she needed time off, even if only a couple nights. She needed to see her mom. It was the only thing she could think of that might help her shake how awful she always felt. So she booked a ticket for a short visit, believing it would be worth the travel.
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Debbie was worried about her. It was written all over her face. But Ali felt a little better as soon as they embraced in the airport.

It didn't even take the drive home for Debbie to start her spiel. "So, how long are you here? I have someone I want you to meet tomorrow night."

Ali groaned. She'd almost forgotten how intent her mom was on getting her a boyfriend. "Mom, we're not even to the house yet..."

"I know, I know. I don't have long to work with though... just say you'll meet him?"

"Mom..."

"How long has it been since you've been on a date?" Immediately an image of Ash sitting across from her at a sushi restaurant, laughing, flashed into her mind, and for a moment she felt like she was drowning.

"Ali?"

"Yeah, ok. I'll go."

They were pulling into the driveway when Ali saw Kyle. "What's he doing here?" She heard a hint of panic in her own voice and was glad her mom seemed to miss it.

"He made me promise not to tell. He bought his ticket as soon as I told him you were coming." Kyle was waving from the porch. Ali didn't want to talk to him... they hadn't talked about Ashlyn since it happened. But Ali shouldn't have been nervous. He hugged her tightly enough that she knew he'd be on her side no matter what, even if he knew she was in the wrong.
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As promised, Debbie sent Ali out on a date the next night. Craig was polite, handsome, funny.

It went well, but Ali struggled to pay attention. She didn't want to be on a date. She should have asked Kyle to help her get out of it. She was trying though, really trying. She figured it was probably good for her to remember what going on an actual date.

Craig paid for dinner, and Ali committed herself to being more personable for the rest of the night.

The drive back went well, and she found herself enjoying his company. She made herself laugh at his jokes more than came naturally, but at least he was trying to make her laugh.

When they pulled into the driveway, he jumped out of the car and ran to open her door for her. It was sweet.

They exchanged pleasantries in front of the porch, and before she went inside Ali stepped into his offered hug. All it took was that quick embrace, and Ali knew why this could never work. He smelled like cologne and was too tall and this felt nothing like Ashlyn.

Ali wondered if her date could see her mood shift when she drew back. She gave one-word answers to her mom and Kyle when they asked how the night went. All she could think of was that noone would ever feel or smell or taste like Ashlyn. The thought that it was really over - that she'd never be held again by Ashlyn, left her devastated.
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Craig called the next morning to ask if he could see her again before she flew back to Frankfurt. She said no, but somehow he convinced her to meet him at a coffee shop down the road.

Fifteen minutes after Craig got there, Ali wished she hadn't agreed to this little meeting. The guy could not take no for an answer. He wanted an explanation, some kind of reason why she wouldn't go on another date.

He kept asking questions, like a high school kid with a bruised ego who needed some kind of excuse that meant it wasn't his fault she wasn't interested.

Ali was stumped. "I don't know, Craig..."

"It's just - I thought it we had a really nice time."

She stared at him. She couldn't exactly say "you don't smell like Ashlyn Harris," so instead she opted for "I think I'm emotionally unavailable."

He furrowed his brow, and Ali found herself getting irritated. The guy needed to drop it. "But you said you hadn't been in a relationship for a while, right?"

"Right."

She checked her watch for at least the third time, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Are you sure I didn't-"

This time she cut him off. "Craig. Look, you're a great guy, OK? I'm telling you, there is someone else, and I'm not interested."

"Wait... there's another guy? Why would your mom -"

Ali was already standing up. This was ridiculous. "No, Craig. It's a woman. I'm in love with a woman." She paused and took a deep breath. "I hope you have a nice day." She laid a ten down on the table and walked away, probably leaving him a bit stunned.
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That night Ali sat with Kyle and her mom around a puzzle of the New York skyline. They were all focused on the puzzle, so no one had spoken for a few minutes before Debbie spoke up.

"So, I ran into Craig today, Ali."

"Oh boy." Ali breathed out. The man was probably still trying for a second date.

"You're mumbling, Ali." Kyle said as he leaned back from the pieces and took a sip of his Pepsi.

Ali glared at him. "How is he?" she addressed her mother sweetly.

Debbie answered nonchalantly. "He said you two had coffee this morning."

Ali wasn't paying any attention to the puzzle anymore, because now she was just remembering what she had said to Craig before she left. "Yeah. We did."

Debbie nodded. "He was very disappointed to hear that you are a lesbian."

Soda sprayed onto the table as Kyle choked and sputtered. He started coughing, but Debbie's gaze was leveled at her daughter. Ali met her stare, shell-shocked. Kyle left the table, sill coughing, but he soon ran back with a paper towel. He didn't want to miss this.

"I didn't... I mean... I'm not..." Ali really didn't know how to explain her way out of this.

Debbie cut her off with a shrug as she turned her attention back to the puzzle. "Maybe you should tell me about it after you figure it out." There was a finality to her tone, and the three of them fell quiet again. Ali didn't contribute much to the puzzle for the rest of the evening.
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Late that night Kyle and Ali slipped out of the house to go on a walk. He didn't wait long to get to the point.

"Did you really tell him you were a lesbian to get him off your back about a date?" He was laughing at her.

"No."

"Then why-"

"I told him I was in love with Ashlyn."

"Ali-"

They both stopped walking. The way Kyle looked at her, like his heart was breaking for her, made Ali started crying. Immediately she was wrapped into an embrace, but after a moment she pushed out of it.

"I'm so tired of crying over her." She groaned out. Kyle let her go, and she tried to brush away tears without smearing her makeup.

"I'm worried about you, Ali."

"Yeah, me too." Ali knew he wanted to tell her to call Ashlyn, to find a way to fix this. Instead he said, "Go on a road trip with me next month?"

Ali laughed. "I can't keep coming back home every few weeks, Kyle."

"I'll pay for your ticket. Let's just go on a trip. For old time's sake." She sighed, already knowing she'd end up saying yes. "I'll think about it."