Because of Samantha | Original Novel

17 - Because of Changing

I wake up with Aaron staring at me. I feel my cheeks get hot, sit up clumsily, and glance around the room. I was exactly where I was when I fell asleep - at Aaron's house, snuggled against him, and cocooned in a warm blanket.

Outside, it was incredibly dark, except not. There were stars upon stars, practically shining down and providing this natural glowing light. I stand up on the plush carpet, and walk to the screen door. It wasn't raining anymore. There wasn't a cloud left in the sky.

"Wanna go stargaze?" Aaron suggests, pointing to his hammock. I nod my head, and together, we walked outside bare-footed. The ground was still wet from today's storm.

We both climb in the hammock, and it somehow makes it so that our bodies are smashed together. It made me feel... Funny. My face was burning. My stomach was doing flip flops. At least the sky would take my mind away from the unimportant.

The sky shows the most amazing stories.

Constellations, galaxies, stardust. It's all in a completely different world from where you and I come from. Laying in this hammock, sandwiched tightly against Aaron's warm body, my mind can't help but roam about. It's hard to think that there are just some things that not even science can explain in this world.

It's beautiful.

"I can smell the ocean," I whisper absentmindedly.

This much was true. Aaron's backyard was so close to the beach, I could smell the ocean waves in the warm night breeze. Aaron chuckles hoarsely, intertwining his piano-fingers with mine. I give his hand a squeeze. He gives me two in return. I feel my heart beat four times as fast. Is there really that much math involved with emotions like mine?

Perhaps I should let him know - but, no - how would that effect this beautiful moment? I'm not sure if these feelings are new or if they've been with me forever. Just thinking made my heart pound in my ears, my voice stop in my throat, my eyes begin to water.

"Samantha, I think I like her," Aaron mutters.

My heart stops. I worm my hand out of his, glancing his way hastily. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. Aaron's blue eyes reflect the stars above us, as if he was asking my blessing. If he did, I couldn't guarantee that I'd agree.

Could he really be developing feelings for Tracy Rubinstein? Tracy Rubinstein, the cheer captain. Tracy Rubinstein, the very definition of popular. Tracy Rubinstein, the girl who sent people into spirals and spirals of insecurity. It made sense. She was perfect in every way.

"I've been thinking about it since I started doing football tryouts," he explains. "And I think... I think I want to go out with her."

"Great," I say stiffly, abruptly standing from the hammock. The ropes twisted, sending Aaron flopping to the ground. "Have fun then. I think I should go home."

My words were like ice, but why? Perhaps it was because, somehow, I had it stuck in my brain that I didn't need to rush. I was partially correct, except now, there isn't any need to bother thinking about it.

Aaron staggers up, brushing his clothing off with this bewildered look on his face. I couldn't say why I was so angry about this, even if I tried to understand myself. Somehow, even thinking about Tracy and Aaron as a couple made my blood boil. I clench my fists tightly, bursting through the Peters' screen door.

"Sam, what's going on with you?" Aaron demands, grabbing my hand. "There really isn't any real reason to be mad. If you don't want me to go ahead, just tell me."

I whip my head to look at him. He looked completely nonchalant about the whole thing, which sort of made me wonder if he even cared about what I had to say. Why say anything at all? Why ask for someone's okay if you're obviously going to blow it off for your own sake?

"Don't be stupid," I snap. "You're going to have to decide that for yourself, Aaron Peters."

I snatch my hand away from him, storming out the front door of his house and walking down the neat sidewalks. I wasn't walking in the direction of my house. No - I was on a straight path to the ocean and beach.

***

Whether it was to mess around or blow off steam, I wasn't quite sure what kept me from going home. The beach has always kept this motherly comfort around me like a blanket. The foaming tides. The soft sands. The intimidating rocks. I always thought that this place was the safest place, homeless bums and all.

I found myself a nice spot amongst rocks. The ocean crashes before me, flooding the thirsting sand and replenishing the earth as it pulls back, leaving behind something more for the beach to keep. When I was little, I used to make up stories about the ocean and the shoreline. None of which were realistic, but I sure have loved the ocean my entire life.

I could fall asleep here, if I wasn't so worked up. What was going on with me lately? He asked me for my okay. I told him to figure it out for himself. Right then and there, I could've been truthful, and flat-out said no. But would it be fair?

Tracy has the choice.

Aaron has the choice.

Heaven knows if I do. If I did, there was no way of telling with a girl like me. If my choice doesn't make others happy, then what was the point of making it in the first place? I used to get hammered and shouted at by school counselors to start living my life for me, but I never got around to that. How could I do so when I feel that I should be the very last of concerns?

There was no telling if I would ever be able to live my life for me. The thought suddenly struck me that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be able to bone out. I would have to stay, if mom asked, or Aaron, or anybody else. I couldn't go to college. I couldn't get out of that god-forsaken house.

I couldn't go anywhere.

My head begins to spin. I lean back, trying not to think too much. What is Aaron to me? Who could he possibly be for me to completely freak out on him that way? He was special to me. Was he too special? Was he more than just my one friend?

I bite my lip until it bleeds, pondering and pondering. This just couldn't be true. The hand holding. The heart beats. The moments shared between us. Thinking about each other. Texting each other. Holding each other. Calming each other.

To anyone else, it would be the perfect relationship. I share so many precious seconds with Aaron. It has to be obvious that, perhaps, I could see myself sharing many more with him.

I can't deny myself of this for much longer.

I like Aaron, perhaps a bit more than I think I should.

But it's all for nothing.

***

Finally, I got some REAL romances. Idk. Happy Sunday and stuff.