10 Dreams Of You ¬ Larry

Video Diary - 10/30/14 [Final]

"Liam, Niall," I said, staring at them as they sat on my floor. "It's 6:00. You've been sitting on the floor watching me since 2. You've literally been watching me for four fucking hours!" I shouted, my voice cracking. "Why can't you go the hell away?!" I screamed into one of my pillows,then removing it from my face and hurling it at them.

Liam caught it, and gently put it down beside him. He and Niall gave me serious looks.

"We don't trust you being alone, Louis." Niall said, shaking his head sadly. I rolled my eyes and put my gaze on the nearest wall. "Killing yourself because Harry is gone is not the solution." Niall revealed, his words sounding rather harsh to me. I frowned deeply, lowering my head to cry.

"Then what's the solution, guys?" I asked, my voice frail. "Staying alive and being miserable...?"

"...More like staying alive and recovering." Liam suggested, his voice soft.

"So basically, you're telling me to get over the fact that Harry is dead..." I mumbled, lifting my head up to glare at Liam and Niall.

"I'm not saying get over it. I'm saying live with it." Liam said, trying to explain himself.

"That's the same thing, you twat!" I shouted at Liam, making him flinch. "What exactly is the difference, Liam?!"

Liam sighed, lifting himself off of the floor. Niall looked up at him curiously, while I stared at him with a cold expression. Without uttering a word, Liam calmly walked out of my room. I looked to Niall.

"You should get out too." I told him, waving my hand towards the door. Niall stayed put.

"I'm not leaving you."

I groaned, laying down on my bed.

-

It's now 8:00, and Niall was still lingering in my room. As he was watching me like a hawk, he was moving all around my room, going through every single one of my things. I closed my eyes, bored with watching the lad roam through my stuff.

"What's this?" Niall asked, breaking the silence that we had for a while. I flicked my eyes open immediately, yanking myself off of the bed.

Niall jumped slightly at my action, holding tightly onto Harry's ragged journal. I stared at it, my breathing becoming uneven as I tried to contain my tears. I began to shake, and I curled my fists and closed my eyes tightly.

"...Just read it, I can't-"

"Louis-"

"I can't right now, Niall-I can't...." I rambled on, opening my teary eyes as I rushed to the bathroom.

-

"...If I had only felt the warm within your touch..." I sang softly on the bathroom floor, my voice drowned out by my pitiful cries. "If I had only seen how you smile when you blush..."

"Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough, I would've know what I was living for all along..." I sang loudly as I cried, my voice sounding like absolute shit. But I didn't care, I needed to do something to get my pain out, and since Niall was probably still in my room, I didn't want to cut...

"...I'd surrender who I've been, for who you are...!" I shouted, sobbing as I  frustratedly grabbed my hair. "For nothing makes me stronger than, your fragile heart...!"

"If I had only felt how it feels to be yours, I would've known, what I've been living for all along...what I've been living for..." after I sang that last line, I couldn't bring myself to sing anymore.

All I could do was cry.

"Louis..." Niall called softly from my room. I ignored him, and curled up into a ball on the floor. "...Dinner's ready, Louis..." Niall told me quietly, and it sounded as if he was crying.

"...Did you read Harry's journal...?" I asked, wiping my eyes as I rose from the floor.

"Yeah..." Niall choked out weakly. "I never realized how much pain he was in..."

-

Now at the diner table, Liam had everything ready perfectly, but I couldn't bring myself to smile. This was the last time I'd be sitting down eating dinner with Liam and Niall...

"...So I heard you singing in the bathroom upstairs." Niall said to me softly, looking at me with red and puffy eyes. I nodded slowly.

"I took your advice, you know, singing instead of cutting..." I said lowly, avoiding eye contact.

"That's good advice, Ni." Liam said, giving a small smile. A weak smile.

"Thanks..." Niall mumbled, giving Liam a light nod.

Cutting was nothing compared to what I had planned for myself...

-

10/30/14

"This is it, Harry." I said darkly. "This is my breaking point. After this video diary is over, after I tell you my tenth dream...there will no longer be life in me..." I whispered, hoping that Niall and Liam couldn't hear me talking. It's still nighttime, but I woke up right after my dream.

Dream 10

"7/15/14

Reason 1 

Why can't I learn to be good enough for you Louis?! I know I'm beyond screwed up, but why couldn't you have chosen me...? She's no good for you...

But then again neither am I.

You deserve the best, Louis.

If you ever read this, I just want you to know that I love you." you wrote in your journal, crying as you did so.

You finished your short journal entry, unable to write anymore. You dropped your pen and journal to the floor, and got up from your bed. Staring at the words "I Quit" you wrote on the wall in red paint, you took out a bottle of pills from your pocket.

"I don't want to live anymore..." you whispered, opening the bottle.

You poured all of the remaining pills into your hand, and just as you were about to pop them all into your mouth, you heard a voice.

"Harry, don't...!" the voice yelled, barging into the room.

Not just any voice, but my voice.

You stopped your actions, and immediately turned around.

"I'm sorry, I have to..." you said, holding tightly onto the pills as you closed your eyes and shook your head.

"But I love you, Harry..." I stated shakily, trying to hold back my tears.

"...I love you too. I always will..." you said, as your tears started to fall hard.

"Then don't say goodbye... I need you." I sobbed, crashing myself into you, hugging you tightly.

"...I wish I was there to save you from yourself, Harry..." I said, covering my face as I turned off the camera.

-

Somehow Louis had managed to leave the house without waking up Liam or Niall. He was now standing at the top of a cliff, staring hard down below with watery eyes.

"I love you Harry... I'm sorry for everything..." were Louis' last words as he jumped to a painful death.