10 Dreams Of You ¬ Larry

Video Diary - 10/21/14

Silence.

Nothing but the dead silence.

It's as loud as ever, making my thoughts seem quiet. I sat on my bed, not moving a single muscle. Barely blinking. Barely breathing. Simply thinking.

Three months ago the love of my fucking life killed himself, and I was one of the reasons.

"...Why the hell did he do it?!" I shouted, crying loudly and breathing roughly. Angrily grabbing a pillow, I threw it at the vase sitting innocently on the dresser.

It hit the wooden floor with a forceful crash, and I flinched at the piercing sound. Niall immediately came rushing in then, not even bothering to knock on the door.

"Louis, mate! What the hell happened?!" Niall asked me, concern in his voice. His eyes followed mine to the broken vase on the floor, and I started crying. I leaped up from the bed, scaring the shit out of Niall as I began knocking things off of the shelves and ripping the posters from the walls.

"Louis!!" He shouted, trying to get a hold of me.

"Louis, stop it!!" Niall shouted louder, pulling me down to the floor.

"Why did you do that?!" I shouted and cried, shoving Niall away from me. I suddenly started to hyperventilate, crying even more and even louder.

"Get away from me!!" I sobbed, pushing Niall further away.

"I don't want you to see me like this..." I whispered, trying to gain my breath.

"Louis...I think you need some rest-"

"I don't need fucking rest, I need Harry!!" I shouted, quickly getting up from the floor.

"Where is he Niall, tell me where the fuck he is or I swear-"

"Louis! Harry is dead! He's gone, remember?!" Niall yelled at me, getting up from the floor as well. I began to tremble as I remembered that Niall's right.

He's dead.

From time to time there are always moments where I think that he's still alive...but then I come to the strong realization that he is indeed gone.

I gave Niall a look of sadness, wiped remaining tears from my eyes, and slowly walked over to my bed.

"...I'll go get Zayn and Liam to help me clean up this mess..." Niall whispered to me, leaving the room without another word.

"I need a nap..." I sniffled to myself, getting under my covers. Slowly drifting to sleep, I swear that I saw a head of curls before I closed my eyes.

-

Getting out of my bed from my nap, I weakly walk over to my dresser. Opening it, I pulled out my video camera and tripod. After I set it up on the desk in front of my bed, I turned it on. Time for my daily video diary.

10/21/14

"So, I had a dream, Harry." I whispered to the camera, talking to it as if I were actually talking to Harry. I felt tears stream down my face, but I ignored them.

"The dream...it went like this..."

Dream 1

"Louis! Hurry up or we'll be late!" You yelled to me, far on the other side of the dressing room. I glanced up from pulling on my pants, laughing at what you said.

"Harry, the concert won't start without us." I told you, as I laughed at your sudden urgency. You simply stuck out your tongue at me with a smirk, which made me laugh even more.

The further on I went with telling the dream, the more I cried...wishing desperately that it were real. After minutes of telling the dream, I came to the end of it.

Before we left the concert stage, I announced to all of the fans that Larry was in fact real, and that I topped more than you did. Ha. They went wild,  and so did management, but not in the same way most of the fans did.

"...And that's how that dream went. It felt so real..." I said, looking the camera in the eye as my tears fell.

Finished with the video, I reached for the power button and turned the camera off.

"Dealing with the fact that you're no longer here is gonna hurt like a bitch..." I whispered to myself, reaching my hand into my pocket. I pulled out a tiny blade just like the one Harry had...and just as I was about to slide it across my wrist...

"Louis, don't!" I hear his voice yell in my head.

"...No...I'm going to." I answered aloud, sliding the miniature blade over my skin.