Two Dozen Roses, Because Of You.

Two

Jessica was sitting in my lap devouring my mouth with her tiny lips and short tongue.
I always had this guilty pleasure of closing my eyes and thinking she was a guy which by the way wasn't hard because of her lack of breasts.
But in the same time I hoped it wasn't true, that I did like her as more than friends. We were meant to be, we're both popular, from healthy rich families, they expected it from us, and by they I mean the school and our parents.
I think deep down I knew back than that it wasn't going to work out, I'd lie to myself that I'm only 50% sure I'm gay when I knew I was around 90%.
"Jessica s-stop," I tried to push her off me so I can breath between her kisses but it sounded wrong by the look on her face.
"What's wrong, you're not enjoying this?" She winces a bit, obviously conscious about her kissing.
"It's not that.. I... " god I almost said it.
You see the thing is that back than one of the many reasons I hid my gayness was because I never were sure my self. It would be a lie if I said I never thought a girl looked hot.
I thought Jessica was hot.
"What?"
"Nothing it's just that this doesn't feel right. It should be more special."
"That's what you said last time and the time before that Dylan. Are you even attracted to me at all? Is it my kissing? My boobs? Name it!" She was starting to get angry, oh-uh.
"No no it's not that! I—"
"Than what is it Dylan!?"
There was a short pause before she got up fixing her shirt, and lest saying "whatever." I heard her heals going away but I didn't try to stop her. Smooth Dylan, smooth.
I pick up my phone and call Moon,
"Dude, I fucked it up."

° ° °

"I cannot believe you fucked it up. How was it even possible? I mean you're hot she's hot you're into each other plus home alone to do whatever!" Moon was talking on and on about my "epic fail" on the way to school where I knew I will have to see Jessica. Ugh. I really didn't want to have to deal with this drama.
As we walked to our first period I could see from afar Jessica whispering to her friends before they all turn around to look at me, great.
The day went by slowly until finally it was lunch time and I go with Juan to our usual table waiting for the others to join us.
I can see Moon with Bryan and Nickel coming in our direction when I notice Leuven coming too.
When they all sit down I give Moon a questioning look as in what the hell is Leuven doing here.
"I invited Leuven to sit with us." He says and I see Juan rolling his eyes, clearly disapproving.
"Hi Leuven," I say and look down at my plate playing with my fork, this was hard. It was hard because he was so different than me.
As we were talking and laughing Bryan offers to go to his house after school to play on his Xbox 3; we are all about to agree when Leuven says ," I have Xbox 4 if you guys want, just got it,"
Of course all the attention went straight to him and I felt uncomfortable, I felt like couldn't say no to him, like it would be too obvious.
This wasn't going to end well.