Critical

I Can Explain..

It's been a little over a month since we've been together..

I fall for Garrett more and more each day. He takes care of me and he's always honest with me about everything. I don't deserve it though, I know I don't. There's a deep secret he doesn't know about, but he should know. I didn't know how to tell him, I was scared he would leave or think I was a freak. 

Until one day at an in-school softball game...

***

Today was the day of the first softball game, it was an in-school game. Garrett and I both decided to go so we could see each other.

 We weren't allowed to hang out outside of school because my father thought he was "thuggish" and i was too young for a boyfriend. I didn't agree with his assumptions. Garrett was an amazing guy and he treated me like a princess.

I went to lunch as I normally did with Brooke. "So, are you going to the game?" I asked, turning towards her as we walked to the lunch room.

"Yeah, my grandparents are bringing some food." she said, shrugging her shoulders.

We reached the lunchroom and got in line to get out food. I hope there's money in my account. My father had recently lost his job and he just got a new one, but it doesn't pay anywhere near what the other job did. We struggled a lot and it only got worse as time went on.

"We'll let you charge today, but we can't tomorrow." the lunch-lady told me. 

I just looked down at my tray and walked away. I was embarrassed. I had no money. "Guess I won't eat tomorrow. Oh,well." I said silently to myself.

I walked to the table where all of my friends were. "Hey guys, what's up?" I asked as I sat down.

"Hey" Brooke and Damon said pretty much in unison. I laughed as their eyes widen as they looked at each other. 

We joked around and talked with each other while we ate our food. I was worried as the game approached. I was wearing shorts that day, so there was a high chance that Garrett might see what I've been trying to hide from him.

  Why did I pick today to wear shorts? 

***

It was 7th period, we had about 10 minutes before they began to call us out by grades for the game. All I could think about is what would happen if Garrett found out. Would he be mad? Would he leave me? What would he do? I couldn't control my thoughts.  I gripped the desk and tried to calm myself down. I'd never been so scared.

"Okay, we are ready to begin calling for the game. All 8th graders may report to the softball field." the Principal, Mrs. Terry, announced. Great. Here goes nothing. Please don't let this go wrong. 

"Hannah, are you okay? You don't look so good." Brooke asked, putting her hand on my shoulder. I was lucky to have a friend like her, she was always there for me.

I lied, since, well, Brooke didn't know either. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a headache, that's all." I said to her. I hope she would believe me.

"If you're sure. Let me know if you start feeling worse. I'll go to the nurse with you." She said with a smile.I nodded my head in agreement. She was the most kind person I knew.

"We are now ready for all 7th graders to report to the softball field for the game." Mrs. Terry announced over the intercom. 

Here goes nothing..

I walked down the stairwell to find Garrett waiting for me. I smiled and walked toward him. "Hey" I smiled and looked down.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked sounding worried. He shouldn't have been worried. It was me who needed to be worried. 

I looked up at him, "Yeah, I'm okay, I just have a little headache, but It's nothing bad" I smiled and took his hand.

We walked to the field and found a spot to sit down in the grass. All of the bleachers were full at the moment. One of his friends, Miguel, found us and sat beside Garrett. While they talked, I watched the game, even though I didn't really like the sport all too much. 

A few minutes later, I caught Garrett looking at me through the corner of my eye. I turned my head and looked at him, following his gaze. When I saw what he was looking at, my heart dropped. 

"Garrett I can explain, it isn't what it looks like." I said trying to convince him what he saw weren't self-inflicted cuts and scars. It didn't work.

"Why, Hannah?" he asked me while taking my hand in his. He looked hurt and it was my fault.

I couldn't lie now, there was no point in it. I took a deep breath and began to tell him everything. "When I was three years old, my parents divorced. Ever since then my mom comes in-and-out of the picture. She chooses guys over me and my sister and she blamed us for her problems. Recently, she came back, but she left without saying anything at all. My Dad is remarried and the woman doesn't like me and my Dad takes her side on everything. I don't feel like anybody cares about me or loves me. I feel alone." I was hoping this wouldn't change his mind about me.

He just stared at me for a few minutes and didn't say anything. "Hannah, you are loved. I care about you. Please don't do this to yourself. You are beautiful and I love you. You have a purpose on this planet. You may feel down now, but I'll be there to help you through everything. I promise." He said as he grabbed my hands once more. 

I din't really know what to say to him. How do I respond to that when I wasn't even expecting it?I smiled at him, "You're the best. I promise to stop, for you, for myself." I really hoped I could keep my promise.

Don't make promises you can't keep though. It only goes downhill. I would learn that very soon.

***

After the game, we went to the buses. He gave me the biggest hug ever. I loved it. It was nice knowing that he really cared about me. 

"You're beautiful, Hannah." he said pulling away. He just looked at me. 

"Thank you. You're not too bad yourself." I said. I nudged him on the shoulder and smiled. 

We looked at each other for a few seconds. I wanted so badly to kiss him in that moment, but I didn't. I didn't want to get in trouble and I didn't think he wanted to. 

His bus came and we began walking toward it. I didn't want to leave him. Not right now. I only want a little bit longer with him. 

"Bye, Hannah. I'll talk to you later beautiful." he said while getting on the bus.

I looked down and blushed, nobody had ever called me beautiful before...