**!! TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER !!**
I rip my arm out of his grip, embarrassed by the fact that he knows. I start to walk away from him, escaping from the truth, but he grabs my shoulders.
"No" he says, in a firm voice, turning me around to face him, his eyes looking into my soul.
"You will not shut me out." He says, raising his voice.
"You will not run away from me like you do everybody else. Talk to me Marns" he says, his voice softening.
I look up at him. "I don't talk about that stuff Mike, it scares people too much." I say, my voice shaking.
And then, when the silence is overwhelming, I ask a stupid question; "how long have you known?". My voice barely above a whisper.
He thinks about it for a minute.
"The first time you bought crack off of me" he replies. You were with a friend, drunk I think, and giggling about the fact that you were buying Coke for the first time. You seemed happy, until I saw the jagged lines covering your wrists. And every time after that when I saw you I would check to see if it was getting worse. At times they would fade, only to pale pink lines, and I would think you were getting better, but then the next week they would be worse than I had ever seen. I barely knew you, but I would think about you all the time. I still do. Back then I used to think of you as the sad girl that paid me for drugs. But you're much more than that. You feel things so very deeply Marns"
"You don't know me" I say, tears streaming down my face.
"I know you better than anybody else" he replies, matter of factly.
"No you don't. Calum does, he's my best friend" I say annoyed by the fact he thinks so much of himself.
"Does Calum know you cut" he asks.
"Yes" I say.
"And does he say anything about it?"
"No, he ignores it, but that doesn't mean anything" I say.
"But who did you call when you were crying in the bathroom? And have you ever explained your tattoos to Calum, like you did with me? Calum sees your cuts, but ignores them, and what would happen if he asked? What would you do?" he asks, making me think.
"I would brush him off like it was no big deal" I say, honestly.
"But that doesn't mean you know me better. At least Calum and I have slept together" I say, using the best excuse I could come up with.
"Marns, not everything is about sex. Have you ever tried to get to know somebody before being with them intimately?" he asks, warily.
"please just go" I say, walking up to my bedroom. I hear the door close and I watch out my window as his car drives off.
I cry. Not the silent tears that I have recently been experiencing, but this time I found myself huddled in a ball in the corner of the room whaling. I don't know why, but I just did. I look around at the bedroom that was mine through blurry vision, realising how my life is falling apart. And with that, I get up from my space in the corner and make my way over to my dressing table, where I pick up a jewellery box. I open it and remove the cushion where a necklace lay. It's what is underneath the small cushion that has my complete attention. I pick up the small blade and make my way across the hall to the bathroom. I sit on the cold tiles and bring the blade to my arm. A quick flick of the blade and small beads of blood start to appear. But its not enough. Cut after cut and I am slowly becoming immune to the feeling. Numb. So I cut deeper, longing for that familiar sting. I tell myself should stop, but I keep going anyway. Its not long before there is blood dripping all over the bathroom tiles, and no patch of skin on my arms is left unmarked. Just a couple more, I ink to myself. I think of the how much of a failure I am to my dad, and to my friends. And most importantly, I am a failure to Mike. What would he thinks of this. The thought of Michael makes me cut deeper than ever before.as soon as I do it I know I hit the wrong spot. The slow trickle of blood has now turned into a quick spurt, and my vision begins to blur. And then there is black.
A/N
It was short I know, im sorry. I did put a trigger warning in this chapter but if some of you found it too graphic please let me know, the last thing I want is for this to cause you guys to harm yourselves.
Like/comment/share
Casey xxx
YOU ARE READING
crack || m.c
Fanfiction"I just can't win" she cried. "Its not about winning, its about giving it your all" he said, comforting her. But she knew, the cracks had already formed.
