Sociophobia (Boyxboy)

Part 5

Two weeks have passed since then.

And nothing.

I occasionally snuck to Geek Lawn (Yeah, I winded up calling it by that name too) to see if Jeff was there. I think I went about 2 (or 3) times last week? So far, I haven't seen him around here. He must've brought me here on a whim huh?......Of course he wouldn't come back here.

Maybe he wants me to be friends with the people here? Come to think of it, he sounded a tad bitter when he spoke about them. I guess he's the type who likes to be friends with everyone. I don't know what his definition of 'friends' is but I could say that I'm already friends with the regulars here. The days I came here last week, some of them recognized me. Sometimes they looked up. Some were more open and gave me a nod. I nodded back and that was all the contact we had. Everyone here seemed to have a mutual understanding of the loathe of socializing. This was as far as we got and we'll keep it that way. Yep, peace.

"Cas....par....?!"

"!!" I turned around at that all too familiar voice. Wait, why? If I knew it was Jeff by his voice, I should've just run away! But the topic of running away resurfaced the internal conflict I had been dying to let go. After running away last time, I felt really bad. He could be a genuinely good guy trying to know me and I...... I.....

"You okay? You look a little pale."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For.....running away last time?"

"That too...yeah, sorry."

"That's not it? What's up? You can tell me you know? Oh and apology accepted."

"I'm confused...."

"Confused......over.....?"

Stop being nice to me Jeff! I'm not that strong! I don't know what your motives are! I was tempted to scream. I don't know if I can like him or be friends with him like I did with Alan. Alan was somebody precious to me before. He was the only person who didn't poke fun at my weight. He was the only person who hangs around 'the fatso'. He shared his lunch with me. He motivated me to work out even if he said my chubbiness was cute. I knew he was just joking. But I grew to take it to heart. I grew to like him. Romantically.

"Cass? Caspar? You.... Are you crying?"

I apologized to him for running away a while ago.This time, I'm not regretting it; I have a really good reason to. I cannot allow him or anybody to see me in such a state. For a boy to cry, it's weakness. He'll laugh at me after that.

"You're shaking....." Jeff took a step forward.

I don't remember telling my legs to run because suddenly, I was dashing straight back into the building. That's right, I could lose him in one of the hallways. I could take the stairs....see if there are any classes or labs open and hide there. I reevaluated my plan and decided it should be easier to lose him at the emergency stairs. Since....hallways are way too straight ahead..... Problem now.....

"Wait! Don't run!"

OHMYG- he's still chasing me! He's actually still chasing me! And he's close! O.O If he keeps this pace, I won't be able to lose him!

"I wanna talk to you!" I hear him shout.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE IS HE CATCHING UP? OMG HE IS CATCHING UP! I don't know how many flights of stairs I ran up but I was sure as heck I was going to faint. I never liked exercising and running about as a kid (but I sure ate a lot). I grew thin not because I worked out or anything. It was the depression and loss of appetite. My level of fitness has not changed. And that all too familiar chest pain you get when you're out of breath.....yep it's still plaguing me.

"Caspar! Stop! Please!"

I'm not stopping even if it kills me! (My legs are on fire but it ain't burning out my adrenaline fuel)Then, like magic, my rationality kicked in. Why am I running? Why was I running in the first place? I'd been so caught up in getting away from him, in the process, my tears didn't even get the chance to flow down. As much as I wanted to cry just now, it was long gone. I halted and looked around. Where am I? How long have I been running? I admit, I'm actually surprised that, for someone who couldn't even run 50 meters without panting, I made it this far.

"Finally! What got into you? Hey! HEY!"

"Mmhhhhh......"

I woke up to find myself staring at the blue sky. And a huge typhoon. No wait, that's a ceiling fan. So the blue sk-eyes......Jeff? Where am I? I got up with a start. Whose bed am I in? Am I still in school?

Then another horrifying realization.

My MASK! WHERE IS IT?!

I somewhat remembered at the same time that Jeff was with me and was apparently staring at me. I promptly covered my face with my hands. Natural reflex. Oh, good thing my gloves are still on my hands.

"Um....." he got up and walked to a table. He pulled out a drawer and in his hand was....!

"You're looking for this right?" he sat down again on the chair at my bedside. "Here," Jeff held it out. I took it and immediately put it on. But my sense of security did not return. I knew exactly why. He'd been staring at me while I was sleeping. WITHOUT THE MASK. He's seen my face alright. What's the point of hiding? None! I don't feel comfortable knowing that he knows how I look like.

We sat in silence for a while. And, of course, he spoke first, "You fainted. You ran quite a bit. The mask you wear is blocking you from getting full air supply while you were running."

"When I fainted," I turned my head to face him despite my eyes still shy of making any eye contact with his, "Did you take it off.....did you take off my mask?"

"I didn't. Cause I knew you wouldn't want that right?"

"Yeah....."

"But I brought you here; Nurse Karen's office. She scolded me for not taking your mask off sooner. It was obvious you were terribly out of breath. As an athlete, she said I should've known better that exhaustion is largely due to the body suffering from lack of oxygen."

"You.....brought me....here?" If he said that he brought me here, it must meant he-

"I carried you."

"You touched me."

"I'm sorry Caspar. But I don't know if you have asthma or anything serious. I- I was really worried something might happen-"

"I'm okay Jeff."

".......Really?" he looked like a puppy that just received some biscuits.

I nodded. And forced myself to look him the eye for extra assurance that I was really fine. He took it and smiled. At that moment, we both just looked away. It felt....strangely awkward.

"Um....Caspar, about just now.....you were about to cry right?"

Oh.

I forgot.

About the possibility of him asking this question when we're together.

Which conveniently happens to be now.

"Um....what about class?" I murmured. It's pretty stark that I'm avoiding that question altogether.

"You get the day off. Me? Like I said before, she scolded me for 'endangering' your health so..... until the bell goes off, I gotta stick with you. Make sure nothing else happens. She's got stuff to do and I'm filling in for her," he explained. "As detention." That last part was added jokingly but to me, it somehow had this lingering feel.....like it was the truth.

"Well, are you fine with detention?"

"This one's not SO bad."

"It's not huh? That's good......" I already ran out of ideas on what to say next.

"Look uh....Cass....I um, I wanna ask you something....."

Uh-oh......Jeff looks nervous. Don't be nervous Jeff! You're making me nervous too!