You used to be heavy, and dark, and you used to be my lonely girl who I made less lonely, and my sad girl who I made less sad.
With the hair that you hated, that people said looked like limp lettuce, that you placed strategically around the parts of your face you hated. It hung heavy in thick, coiled layers, like drizzling molasses, and it looked like you hadn't washed it in weeks.
And your face that you hated, that you hated even though I swear your skin was cream. But your eyes had no stars, and you wore purples bags under them, and drew black rings around them like Saturn.
Your freckles and your acne scars that you hated, that you wanted to scrape off with a garden spade cause they looked like dirt. And you never never never looked ugly, but you always looked sad. Like a willow tree trying to cover the knotholes in its bark.
But you chopped the hair, dipped the skin in morning dew. And willow trees just make you weep, so you planted the tree of life in your stomach, and it's vines are veins and go for Chinese takeout with your lungs. You water it with your glassy tears, and your oxygen is made of Eden.
You were never really afraid, but now you just don't give a shit what anybody thinks; I can tell cause when you talk to people your voice doesn't shake. You stand up straight, crinkling your eyes when you're laughing.
You don't complain about high school like when I was around.
I haven't seen a single photo of you where there's not a slice of watermelon in your mouth. You smile the red and green smile, with black seeds where you're missing teeth. It's crazy, I see your whole face. You look like somebody new. You're opening like an orchid, and shaking all the winter off your back. You guys give piggy backs and sprawl out like cats all across each other. And I'm jealous, and I miss you, but it's sweet.
It's fine if you don't miss me too, but I can't help feeling crazy cause we were just girls
and cause it is weird that I wanted to kiss you,
and it is weird that when we called out nursery rhymes on the hot pavement,
jumping double dutch, and sucking cherry candy, and acting like we don't notice the men and their eyes like ants crawling up our legs
when we did all the normal girl things, and went around the circle giggling about crushes I might have been looking at you with saliva dripping out my daydream lips.
And it is weird that I still roll over in the middle of the night and think I'm missing a limb.
I'm kind of toxic, I know, but that's not the point. You're enjoying things and not hating high school like an angsty punk rocker.
But you seem really happy.
Your smile looks like you cracked it on a jawbreaker cause you've got a tooth missing. Like you're 5 years old.
