First at Last

Chapter Twenty

I sucked in a sharp breath as Agnes tightened the laces on my bodice. The gown seemed too tight, although it was no tighter than usual. I exhaled as Agnes stepped back to examine her work and I turned to her, waiting as she scrutinized me, her lips turned downward in a concentrated frown.

"How do I look, Agnes?" I asked her.

Her eyes met mine and she smiled. "You look absolutely beautiful, Miss." She said proudly.

I had been afraid to look in the mirror. I did not want to see what I would look like going to the ball where my sister's engagement to William would be announced. I did not want to go. I had not finished preparing the speech I would have to give. I was not ready. You'll never be ready, a voice whispered inside my head.

I stepped into the view of the mirror and met the eyes of my reflection. I looked beautiful, as Agnes had said. I wore a dark blue gown threaded with pearls, so that it looked as though I wore the sky at midnight. It was elegant, framing me nicely. It clung to my hips, making my waist look smaller and curvier, and it was tight at my chest, accentuating my breasts. I wore midnight blue slippers to match and pearls were woven into my curled hair. My face was powdered, my lips painted red, kohl lined my eyes, and my cheeks were flushed red. But the look in my eyes could not be hidden. There was a sadness in their depths that told a story of loss that words could not describe.

I had not cried on the days leading up to today, but at this moment, I wanted to. I turned back to Agnes, my lip trembling slightly.

Her eyes softened, her proud smile fading, when she saw my face. She took my hand in both of hers and squeeze tightly. "I know," she whispered.

And there was a look in her eyes that told me she understood. She did know. She felt my pain. "How did you lose him, Agnes?" I asked her softly.

She swallowed and gave me a sad smile. "I was not noble born, and he was. He went off to marry a lady, with a title, and lands, and power."

"I'm sorry." I said, and I was. I could now empathize with her, since my situation was quite similar to hers.

She loosed a breath and tucked a stray hair behind my ears. "You must go, or you will be late." She said, pushing me gently toward my bedroom door.

I hugged her quickly. "Thank you, Agnes," I murmured.

She nodded her head, smiling at me, patting my cheek. "Don't forget to smile, Miss." She replied.

I nodded, before hurrying down the stairs to meet the rest of my family. Father was waiting at the door; Mother and Alice were nowhere to be seen.

My father smiled at me. "You look lovely, Erika," he said.

I inclined my head slightly. "Thank you, Father."

After another few minutes, Mother and Alice met us at the base of the stairs. Alice looked beautiful, as always. Her golden hair was done up in a bun, with a few curls escaping to frame her face. She wore a beautiful red gown with long, tight sleeves and gold lace. Beautiful diamond patterns trailed town the skirt and along the waist line, and her red satin slippers had diamonds threaded on them as well.

Her eyes were rimmed red, as though she'd been crying, for she probably had been. She offered me a faint smile and I returned it.

"You look beautiful, Alice." I said.

She looked down, nodding. "Thank you. As do you. That dress is stunning." Her compliment caused me to blush slightly. She had never been one to give compliments freely, if at all.

"Shall we get going?" Mother asked, breaking the awkward silence that seemed to settle over the room.

We walked out to the carriage where Walter waited to drive us to the ball. When we had all settled in the cramped carriage space, Mother began speaking, and she hardly seemed to take a breath for the entire ride to the palace. She chatted eagerly about the wedding, and about Prince William, and about what was to transpire this evening.