as i fall

Chapter 1 - Voices

                     I'm paralyzed in shock, leaving me nothing to do but watch the quickly fading underbelly of Heaven.  All too soon the only thing I can see is the blackness that fills the emptiness between Heaven and Earth.  The darkness muddles my perception, leaving me wondering if I'm falling down or flying up.  I close my eyes to shut out the blackness.

            I try to bury myself in the colours of my memories and all I can see is the bright expanse of Heaven, but they're old memoirs.  Diving deeper into raging river of memories, I watch in horror as the most recent events and large sections of my life evaporate into nothing.  The last thing I can remember is my Father's sword connecting to the stone at my feet and everything turning white.

            Panic starts to set in as everything fades and I can't see anything.  There's no sound and I feel as if I'm stuck in an endless dark void, falling and falling and never getting closer to the ground.  Fear fills my entire being, and it feels as if I'm going to pass out, but one thing holds me awake.

            I don't know what it is, but a warm fuzzy feeling spreads through my heart and suddenly it doesn't feel like I'm falling away from everything I've known.  It's more like I'm falling towards something, and it chases away the fear.

            Hours or days pass before my eyes see light again.  At first it's gradual and I welcome it, but then the blackness spits me out and all there is is light and I can't see.  Air rushes into my lungs, wind rips at my face and I'm going down.  Blinking rapidly my eyes adjust to the light and I can see the ground rushing towards me.  I spread my wings to slow myself down, but my efforts are useless as I approach mountainside

            Time starts to turn again as I plunge downwards towards the ground, and in seconds I'm only a few hundred meters away from certain death.  It only takes a split second, but it was as if everything was in slow motion.

            I can see the cracks imbedded in the rocks beneath me and the birds flying high, their wings beautiful and strong.  I notice everything, and yet nothing registers.

            The ground closes in and I close my eyes, fling my hands over my head and brace for impact.  I hit the ground with a sickening crack.

            ~~~

The first thing I know is that I'm not dead.

The next thing I know is pain. Unrelenting pain. Everything I know is drenched in agony and I can't move anything. But I'm breathing, which counts for something.

Move past it, I tell myself, trying to concentrate on anything else.

I open my eyes and look around me without moving my head.

The colours are so bright; the sky so blue above, the trees so green around me.  The ground beneath me is so cold and hard, and as I take in the things around me, it registers somewhere in my mind that I'm lying on a rock face that ends in a cliff not too far away.

Everything is so intense down here, the colours, the feel, the sounds.  I can't see them, but I can here the birds flying, singing to each other.*

I can also hear a pair of footsteps heading my way, which concerns me.  Nobody can see me in this form, as an angel, it would break the rules.

You've already broken the rules, silly, why not break some more?

I have?  I can't be certain.  All I care about in this moment is to make my wings disappear.  It takes all of my concentration, but they withdraw just before the person sees me.

There's a sharp intake of breath on the edge of the outcropping, and I hear feet shuffling on the rock towards me.  As he approaches, I can see myself through his eyes.  There is blood pooling around me, and is still gushing out from wounds that cover my entire body; I have dark black bruises covering my cheeks and eyes and a split lip.  Thoughts rush through his head, which are then rushing through mine.

Oh my god.  What do I do?  What happened to her?  How did she get out here?  Maybe I should ask her.  I need to help her; she's in a bad state.  She's looking at me.  Her eyes are violet.  Do I know her?

She's beautiful.

I try to put up a mental barrier between him and I, but it's near on impossible while I'm this injured and weak.

I look at his face.  He has emerald green eyes, short-cropped dark brown hair and full lips.

"Holy cow, are you alright?" he says.  What a stupid question, he thinks.

He kneels down and lays his hand on my face.  It's warm and comforting, but I flinch away from it.  A frown appears on his face and I get an onslaught of sounds.  Shouts of horror, cries for help and screams of pain.  It fills every space in my head till it feels like it's going to explode, and I lift my hands to block it out.

As I start to cry, he helps me to sit up, and I feel warm and fuzzy where our skin touches.

"Lets get you out of here," he says, putting one arm under my legs and the other holding my back.  He picks me up off the ground and is surprised at how light I am.

The tears come faster as the screams grow louder, my hands clamp down tightly down on my ears.  He keeps on walking, and I think he's talking to me but I can't hear him.  His thoughts are concentrated on me, and that he thinks he should stop to see if he could bandage my wounds.

My blood has begun to stain the front of his t-shirt and is dripping onto the ground, leaving a little trail.  He starts to lower me onto a rock when my nose starts to bleed and my head is pounding like a drum.  I can tell even without reading his mind that he's worried that I have inner injuries that he can't treat.

"My name is Caleb, and I want to help you," he says in a low voice, looking me straight in the eye, "can you tell me your name?"  I just stare at him.  My nose is now running freely and Caleb rips parts of his shirt into strips and ties them around my gashes, using one to ball up and press against my nose.

Why won't she talk to me?

I press my fingers to my temple, blink and look up him.  "Where is the screaming coming from?" I ask, my heart pounding a million miles an hour.  Caleb's eyes widen to the size of moons and his breath catches, from both wonder and horror.

Her voice.

"What screams?  There are no screams.  You feeling okay?" he says worriedly, his eyes travelling up and down my body, looking for further injury.

He can't hear them?  They're splitting my eardrums in half, and turning my strength to nothing, so much I can't walk.

"They won't be quiet.  Why won't they be quiet?" I whisper, closing my eyes.  Why can I hear them?  Where are they coming from? 

Caleb has picked me up again and is now walking at a faster pace.

You're an abomination, a monster.  Why did you kill them?

 "No, no, no!  Shut up!  Leave me alone!  I don't know, ok?  Stop!" I sob into Caleb's chest.  I'm sure he's talking to me, but I can't hear him over the voices.

Traitor.  Murderer.  You're the devil's child!

"Hey, calm down.  It's only me, and I'm not going to hurt you.  You hear me?  Just settle down," he murmurs into my ear.  Even though he was walking really fast, he started to rock me back and forth, like a child.

You won't get away with this.  You'll pay the price for what you've done.

"No!  I don't know what I did!  I didn't mean to, I swear!  Please, no," I sob hysterically.  My hands are again covering my ears, but now my fingernails are digging into the skin on my face, forming new cuts for my blood to run out of.

We'll drag you straight to hell.

Caleb had just reached a car park where his car was when I started to scream.