“Have you ever imagined what it would be like to die?” I said randomly, turning my head to look at Ash who was beside, my cheek grazing against the grass. We were lying in a green field just beyond the gates of my house, which was situated on the outskirts of Heaven. The sky was blue and not a cloud could be seen. It was the perfect day for watching the humans.
“What brought that up?” replied Ash, who seemed puzzled. He looked me in the eye, and small butterflies flickered in my stomach. I quickly looked away, pushing the butterflies away.
“I’m always wondering. The humans amaze me. They live for only 80 years whilst we live for 500. Our existence is continuous and we are alive for what seems forever, yet the humans’ lives are over within the blink of an eye. What would it be like to have to fight for survival everyday of your life? To live for eight decades instead of five centuries?” I voice out aloud, my eyes focusing on the humans in the sky, particularly on the continent of America.
“It would certainly be different, but I wouldn’t want to wish their lives on any of us. We’ve grown so use to watching the humans be born, live out their lives then die; we do much the same, but we have longer to live, to make mistakes, to find out what we’re supposed to do. If you take away all that time that we have extra, how would the Angel population react? Children are born every hundred years or so, not every week. Take away that time and we’ll be sure to go extinct. To live for eight decades would be dangerous for us,” Ash supplied light-heartedly.
“Are you afraid of dying, Ash?”
“I think everyone is. The humans are uncertain as to whether or not there is something for them after they pass on, but we Angels do know that there is something. We stay in Heaven when we die, but we’re never able to leave again. When we die, we’re sentenced to an eternity roaming the planes that were once our home, and now our prison. I am afraid of dying, but not because my life is over. I’m afraid of being cut off from the world, to never set foot on Earth again,” he closed his eyes and a wave of emotions hit me. They were his, not mine. Sadness, grief and anger flowed through him, and into me.
“The good thing about being an Angel is that we don’t really have to think about this at least for another three-hundred years,” he pointed out and I nodded absentmindedly. We all assumed we’d live until we’re old enough to die, and some of us were lucky, but most of us die after three hundred years instead of five hundred.
“Can we move onto less morbid topics now?” Ash complained and I laughed, looking at the humans running around, living their lives.
“NOOOO!!!” I screamed and it felt as if the whole world had frozen, watching on in horror and interest. Allard fell backwards onto the blood soaked floor, some invisible force pushing everyone back and away from me and Ash. Caleb’s eyes had widened and his mouth was gaping open, and he looked as if he was going to yell or cry. It dawned on me that Ash and Caleb had become friends, and that Caleb was just as distraught as I was; well, almost.
Ash’s head was cradled in my arms and his face was a mixture of blood and tears. The knife was still lodged in his throat, and I grabbed hold of it with shaky hands, pulling it out with a quick motion. Blood flowed freely from the wound, but not as much as before; he was dying quickly. He couldn’t speak, or move, but he found a way to communicate with me. His sharp blue eyes found mine and his pain became my pain, his thoughts mine.
I sobbed hysterically. I had done this to him; I had killed my best friend. I was myself again, and all of the guilt came rushing in and the pain intensified.
Alexandra Miller, don’t cry, he whispered faintly through our mind link.
“I-I-I c-can’t h-help myself,” I hiccupped, pressing my forehead to his, “I c-can’t lose you.”
You’ll learn to deal with this, Alex.
“N-no, I c-can’t, don’t leave me Ash!” I sobbed, my tears trailing down his cheeks and my own.
I have to, Alex, now is the time to say goodbye, his voice was growing fainter.
“Ash, please, don’t g-go. I love you,” I whispered into his ear, then trailed my lips across his jaw to his lips. My tears fell onto his pale white cheeks.
The colour that had once flushed beneath his skin was now gone, the red that used to tint his cheekbones now coloured his clothes and mine, his blood running mazes on the ground. Cold. He was growing colder as his blood was drained from his body.
“I love you Alex, and I always will,” he whispered, and they were the last words he ever said to me. Shuddering, he took his last breath.
His eyes stayed glued to my face, even when they turned glazed, not seeing anymore. A strangled cry clawed its way out of my mouth as I pulled Ash’s cold, motionless body closer against me.
“Ash? Ash! What are you doing over there?” I called out to a black form that was lying in the short grass beneath the large oak tree. I’d heard him laughing before, but now he was quite. Running as fast as my eight-year-old body could take me I approached the form. My heart was beating like a hummingbird’s, and I could hear the beat in my ears, my breathing in time with the erratic thumping.
Ash was completely still; his chest wasn’t rising or falling and his eyelids didn’t flicker. I stopped and stared.
“Is this a trick?” I squeaked, my voice tight with uncertainty and slowly rising panic. When I earned no response, my little heart sped a little faster, my breathing a little quicker.
“Ashton… Are you dead?” I whispered, stepping closer to him so that I was looking down on his still face. Kneeling down on my knees I bent over so that my forehead was nearly touching his, and he suddenly opened his eyes.
“Gotcha!” he squealed, lifting his head just enough to kiss my nose. Completely and utterly stunned, I fell back onto my bum, and he jumped up and raced away, back to the main square.
“Hey! Come back!” I yelled at him, taking off after him.
I was waiting for him to open his eyes and laugh, telling me this was all a joke and that we could go home and live the rest of our lives.
But he won’t. I know that, but some part of me still doesn’t want to accept that my best friend is… Gone.
Ashton is dead because of me.
I killed him.
I don't think I can survive without him.
YOU ARE READING
as i fall
Fantasy"I don't scream as I fall." Kicked out of Heaven and sworn to a life of darkness and death, what is a fallen angel supposed to do? Alexandra Miller has done something horrific and unspeakable, and has therefor been kicked out of Heaven. But the thi...
