The Beginning

Chapter 4

It's only 10 o'clock and I'm still just waiting in anticipation to meet him. I have to go to bed in an hour, but staying awake shouldn't be too hard. Impending thoughts usually keep me awake, so something relatively big like this should be a walk in the park.

10:05.

I mean, the possibilities are endless. But I can ponder them more when I'm in bed- I'll have plenty of time. Until then, I need to find something else to occupy my mind with before I wear it out.

10:10.

What even is there to do, though? I can't read any of the books we own; girls aren't supposed to take interest in extra knowledge. The only reason we have any is to help with posture. Which, well, I guess I could work on that. I'm absolute crap at anything they want us to do, anyway, but I may as well at least attempt to improve at something.

10:15.

Nonetheless, I grab a pocket dictionary and place it on my head... And it immediately falls. Maybe because books don't belong as hats, who'd have thought? I grimace as I pick up the book and try again. Now probably was not the best time for commentary on headgear.

10:20

Maybe it's a subconscious thing. I can't think of one thing we're forced to do that I'm not against- whether it be because I generally don't like it, suck at it, or a mixture of both.

10:25.

Meanwhile, the stupid book refuses to stay. Maybe, I think to myself, if I use a bigger one, it'll stay. So I grab one that's slightly heavier than the tiny pocket dictionary.

10:30.

To my surprise, it seems as if using a bigger book works a little better. It still doesn't stay, but it doesn't immediately fall, either. And that's a huge improvement for me.

10:35.

But going back to the trend of not liking stuff, I wonder if I would like them under different conditions. Like if we, well, weren't forced to do them. It's the same psychology of wanting to clean my room until Rachel tells me to. I just can't stand being told what to do.

10:37.

The sad thing about it? I'll never know.

10:45.

I'm getting a little more nervous now. I'll have to be "going to bed" soon, which means I'll probably be left with only anticipation and nothing to do other than think about Ryan.

10:50.

This is getting to be too much. I don't know if I'm ready for this.

10:52.

But what if there are more people like me? People that don't want to be quiet?

10:55.

This book is just not enough for me. I need an even bigger one. I walk over to the bookshelf to get a new one.

10:56.

This one actually stays for a good amount of time. And when it does I realize how different it is from the others.

10:57.

All the others are so smooth. This one's leather-bound, with a weird design texture on the front. I turn it over to read the back- except there's nothing there. No words, at least. All the other books have some sort of description or summary or something, but this one just has the same funky design as on the front.

10:59.

Maybe I should try opening it. I mean, I know I'm not technically supposed to read it, but I've never seen anything like it before. I contemplate that thought for a moment. Nobody would know, anyway. I finally start to open it...

11:00.

And suddenly, all the lights go out.