Girl Problems [Kuroko no Basuke Fanfiction || NijiAka]

Chapter 26 : Unfair

"Or should I hurt you a little more?"

Nijimura wanted to be angry. A part of him wanted to grip her arm as tight as he could until it leaves a bruise. But a greater part of him didn't want to. He said so himself; she could hurt him as she pleases. He had no right to lash out on her after saying such a statement. He took deep breaths. He wasn't angry... maybe a little. A little... just a little. But he was more hurt, frustrated and sad.

"Then," he looked at her eyes. He had always been expressive with his emotions. He only manages to hide them when he concentrates enough. He had looked at her... But he wasn't angry... He didn't look angry to her, only hurt, frustrated, and sad.

A sad smile made its way to his lips, and Akashi did her best not to show it on her face how it pained her to see him like that. His voice was soft and gentle as he spoke, "Then feel free to hurt me even more..."

He studied her. She wasn't happy with what she was doing; Nijimura could see the sadness that was swimming in her crimson eyes. Or so he'd like to think he was right. It was more of a gut feeling, but he still thought she was hurt. He believed she was.

"Hurt me until I regret ever meeting you, but I doubt that will ever happen," he added his voice slightly shaky.

That was the reason why she was ninety-nine percent sure that Nijimura would get angry; she was saving that one percent to a completely different reaction.

"I told you that to tell you that you don't have to feel guilty about anything," he had the urge to just hug her right there, but was afraid that she might push him away. Nijimura was actually slightly angry, but simply knowing that she's hurt was enough to overthrow his anger with something between sadness and worry. He wasn't assuming things. He was sure she wasn't fine. He was sure she was stressed. And he can't afford to even add to that stress. He just wanted to be that person who will make her calm down and relax.

"Hurt everybody else, I don't mind... Just don't include yourself," his voice was still as soft. He looked so sad... and raw. Akashi couldn't imagine how could she deserve to receive the affections of this person who cares so much to her.

"I'm not hurting myself," her voice wavered completely betraying her words. Her arm slid off her hand as his grip weakened. Nijimura wanted to be Akashi's breath of fresh air. Even if it's just temporary.

"How come?" Nijimura said taking a half-step towards her, "You said it yourself, didn't you? That you want to see me every day, be close to me and just be with me... You hate me to the core that you always think of me every night and day."

Nijimura got embarrassed when she said that with such a straight face; it was Akashi's turn to redden when he said her own words to her as her eyes widened a little. Who would have thought he'd even think of using Akashi's own words against her?

"How can you not be hurt if you're distancing yourself?" from me, were the unspoken words between them that they both understood. He clenched fists at his side doing his best not to get anymore closer to the redhead, physically.

"Don't you think that's a very conceited way of putting things?" she shot back glaring at him under her lashes.

"Don't you think you're playing unfair?"

"Now you want me to be fair?" she unintentionally raised her voice a little. Only a little.

"At least to yourself," he answered immediately. He was really something; he just kept on exceeding her expectations.

"How can you even say that I'm being unfair to myself?"

They just stared at each other for a moment.

"How can you not know?" he answered with another question. Akashi was seriously starting to give him a headache. Even though the words just come to him almost naturally, just answering Akashi gave him a slight migraine. He wasn't sure if it was an effect of debating with someone who has a much higher IQ than his.

Admitting she doesn't know how would mean admitting that he's completely right and would even pose a threat of her being 'always right', while saying that she knows would make his statement true and would even make her questioning him about it ridiculous. But of course, since she's Akashi, she had an answer for that. It was quite simple, really.

"Because I'm not," she answered after a second of internal struggle.

"You call this fair? Hurting yourself is fair? When you have other options—"

"I don't have any options," her father has the options.

"You do have! You just make yourself believe that you don't and—Akashi?" he stopped his self from finishing his sentence. Her eyes were glistening with tears that were about to fall. He didn't think anymore; he just hugged her tight.

"I'm sorry,"

He didn't know what to say; only those words of apology were the words he managed. Did he cause her tears to fall? Or was it simply because she'd been holding it in that she had cried for various reasons? He was sure it was he latter.

"It really hurt you know. Maybe if it was only me, it would hurt less..." he started speaking. He wasn't even sure what the hell he was saying. Nijimura felt her arms go around his torso and clutch the back of his uniform. "I mean, you don't have to worry about me, though I wouldn't really stop you if you want," he laughed a little.

"Just take care of yourself... Hurt me in any way you want..." he leaned his head as close as he could get to her ear before adding, "But please don't do it by hurting yourself,"

"I really hate you," she mumbled. Just when she had convinced herself she was doing the right thing, when she had always thought it was her only option, he just had to say it right on her face that she was wrong and that there were other options.

She had always had her options; she just couldn't see it. It was like how the eyes of a horse were partly covered so that it would look only straight ahead; it was up to the rider to steer the horse wherever he pleases. She liked riding on Yukimaru's back, but looking at it that way left a bitter taste in her mouth. Yukimaru and she seemed to have some similarities that weren't even pleasant. It wasn't pleasant that they had that kind of similarity. Akashi is human; Yukimaru is a horse. Why can't Akashi make her own life decisions like the other humans then?

"Yeah, I hate you too," he whispered to her hair. He smiled a little. What a way of telling each other 'I like you'. When will she even say those words? Nijimura shouldn't really take his chances.

No words were spoken after that.

Nijimura liked holding her close to him. It felt like he was protecting her. From what? He didn't know. He was just sure that once his arms were wrapped around her, it would be really hard to let go.

She wanted to break free from the hug before she gets used to. He surely wouldn't hug her like that again after two weeks. Right, two weeks... Maybe she should just get used to it now then forget about it after two weeks. Despite her inner debate, she still let him hold her close. She felt safe there.

"Senpai," she had gotten used to call him 'senpai', but surely, she wouldn't make any slip of tongue when she comes back as Seijuuro. She can't be that careless. But for that moment, she made a decision. A decision that would contradict her earlier decision. He had told her many times about it earlier; he had repeated it over and over.

"Hm?"

She smiled to his chest, "I'll stop being unfair,"