Taken

Chapter Twenty Three--DENNY

“I’m sorry Denny.”  His words were pleading, but I wouldn’t let them in.  I knew they would float around in my head, make me crazy, make me think I should forgive him.  I knew I was incapable of holding a grudge, I just couldn’t let him know that.

          I didn’t answer him.  I didn’t pay any attention to the fact that his clothes were soaked through and I could see every muscle in his arms.  Water was dripping from his hair, making him look like he just stepped out of the rain, which he did.  He was standing on the edge of the porch, and I was standing in the front doorway.

          “How could you do this to  me?” I hissed, my words coming out really soft.  The noise of the rain almost washed them away, but he still managed to hear them.

          “I didn’t mean to, honest.  I’m so sorry.  If you hate me, I understand.  I ruined everything.”  My heart was beating fast, and I didn’t know what to say.  I didn’t hate him, I was just…really guilty.  For letting it get out of hand, for not leaving when I felt like I should.  Could one kiss really be considered cheating on Jere? I sure hoped not.   

          “It was only a matter of time anyways,” I whispered, eyes down.  A gust of wind blew some raindrops on the porch and so he came closer.  I backed away though. 

          “What do you mean?”

          I ignored this, because frankly, I didn’t know what I meant either. He hadn’t ever really admitted that he liked me, the kiss could have just been some fluke thing.  Before I could stop myself though, the words were tumbling out.  “Do you like me more than a friend Grady?”

          Our eyes connected and I knew without him having to say it that he did.  That everything I thought was confirmed.  Haven was right, I should have listened.  Then maybe I could have gotten out of there quick.

          “Yes.”

          “Oh God,” I said, and even though I was bracing for it, my head still went dizzy and I had to sit in the rocking chair.  I put my face in my hands and leaned over.  When I looked up, Grady had dragged a chair in front of me and was watching me. 

          Our knees were touching, but I didn’t pull them back.  It was even a harder realization when it hit me that I didn’t want him to pull them back.  I wanted him to stay right there.  I didn’t want him to leave.

          A feeling I had never felt before and which had no words to describe it washed over me in that moment and I was so confused.  I wanted to cry but yet I wanted to laugh at the irony.  I wanted to be angry, but yet I couldn’t.  I wanted to have regret, but I didn’t regret anything.  I wanted to have guilt, but I didn’t want to have guilt for no reason.  What if something had happened to Jere? What if all this drama was happening for nothing?  I was at lost for words.

          “I think we should try and forget this,” Grady said, breaking the silence.  “Lock it into our minds and throw out the key.  Never speak of it again, and especially not to Jere.”

          There was no use in thinking about this, it was pointless.  “It happened, Grady.  We can’t change it and there is no point in hiding it from ourselves.  Of course I know we can’t tell Jere, but things can’t be the same as they were before.”

          He didn’t answer, he only clasped my hands in his for a second before I had to tear them away.  “But we can’t do this either Grady.  I can’t betray Jeremiah.”

          “I know.”  His voice was sad and distant, and so were his eyes.  I hated to watch it.  There was disappointment written all over his face. 

          Grady couldn’t have the girl he wanted.

          Jeremiah was gone, and nobody knows if he will return.

          Then you have me, and I can’t even begin to choose.  I am confusing myself.  Choose a boy you may never see again and waste the time you could be together with the other one? Or betray one that may come back only to find out his girl is with the boy he left to protect her?  Either way someone will get their heart broken.  Even if that someone is me.