Taken

Chapter Thirty--DENNY

When I woke the next day, I was in my bed.  I didn’t remember getting there, though, and I was still wearing the same clothes as the day before.  I got up, quickly changed, and wrapped a blanket around myself.  I went to the kitchen, planning on putting water on to boil, but Grady was already there with two cups of tea.

          “I wondered when you were going to get up,” he commented.

          “Good morning to you too,” I replied sarcastically.

          “Whoa, I didn’t know I made tea for a bear.”

          “You wish.” I plopped down across from him and took the tea, watching him watch me expectantly.  “It’s good,” I said.  “Thanks.”

          “Your welcome.”

          Ladd’s book lay parted where I left off and face down on the table, and when I reached for it, Grady intercepted.  “Why don’t we do something else today instead of reading.”

          “You mean for me to do something else.”

          He only shrugged.  “Us,” he said, and as soon as it was out I was wary.

          “I don’t think that’s a good idea.  Where’s Haven?”

          “Come on,” he said, ignoring my attempt at changing the subject.  “Just a walk.  Maybe a swim.  I found a meadow when I went on my head clearing journey and there are tons of flowers.”         

          “Could you get us back before sunset?” I asked sarcastically, and he rolled his eyes. 

          “It’s not far.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “You are so exasperating Cadence Elizabeth.”       

          A weird tingling sensation filled my body when he said my name the way Jeremiah always did.  I hated myself at that moment, for not being able to figure my feelings out.  Why was my heart betraying me, why did I like the both of them?  And they were so similar; whoever I chose would always remind me of the other.

          “I’m busy today,” I lied, fingering the dolphin charm.  I love you Jeremiah, no one else, I thought.  I couldn’t keep the negative voice out of my head though, and when it whispered So you think… I almost cried out in frustration.

          Grady threw me a stern but desperate look, if such a look was possible.  It was with him, and when he said, “I’m not dumb,” I pushed away from the table. 

          I poured the rest of my tea out the open window and slammed the mug on the cabinet with a loud thunk that seemed to make me fully aware of the shocked silence in the room.  I stood with my back turned to Grady, both hands stabilizing myself on the counter.  I lifted them and ran them through my hair, taking deep breaths.

          “I’m sorry Denny…”

          “Just stop saying my name,” I choked out, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose, eyes closed. 

          I expected Grady to just leave, and when he didn’t I grew angrier.  “Just leave!” I shouted at him.

          He didn’t though, and when I whirled around, he was standing in front of me.  He took my shoulders in his hands and gave me a gentle shake, and the nostalgia of Jeremiah doing the exact thing not but a few months ago, when we stood on his lawn, was enough to break the anger and send me into a fit of tears.

          “Denny,” he said.  “I am tired of playing games and going around in circles with you.  I’ve been patient long enough.  I love you Denny, and I’m sure you already knew that.  But this is getting old.”

          He paused, and wiped the tears gently from my cheeks with his sleeve.  “Don’t cry,” he whispered.  His shoulders slumped, but he didn’t remove his hands from my shoulders.  “Please don’t cry.”

          “Why are you making this hard on me?” I managed shakily, tears threatening to spill again.  I couldn’t look at his incredibly sad eyes.

          “You’re making it harder on yourself,” he replied, still softly so as not to make me think ill of his words.  “I’m sorry to say that, but you are.  Jeremiah is most likely not coming back.”

          Not coming back…

                   Not coming back…

          The words echoed loudly in my head and bounced around in there for a while until the seconds seemed to dissolve into minutes.  I knew he was right, he should be getting back by now if he was still alive.  If he was even coming back.

          I didn’t want to believe it though, didn’t want to believe him.  I didn’t want to believe that he loved me, I didn’t want to believe I loved him back, and I especially didn’t want to believe that I loved him like I loved Jeremiah. I didn’t want to believe a lot of things, but in that moment I decided I had too.  It was the truth.   

          I didn’t know how it happened, how new love seemed to have blossomed between both of us, and I decided I needed to let this guilt go.  It truly was exhausting, avoiding Grady, avoiding his gaze, avoiding the feelings that I felt. 

          I buried my face in the crook of his shoulder and cried some more.  I cried for letting myself fall for him.  I cried for not being able to control the crying.  Most of all, I cried for not being loyal to Jeremiah.