Sweet Violette

Tracy's P.O.V

I sipped in all the words which Jake's mother said about me. No wealth? No standards? No parents?

I rushed to my room as the tears cascaded down my cheeks. It was totally a replay of disasters in my life. Just when I thought that I was coming into a world without any discrimination.

I locked the door and pulled out my duffel bag. The diary? Where was my diary? I frantically searched the room for my prized possession. All I found was the page from my diary that had been loose. It entailed the day that Canathy was born and all. I continued my search. Could Jake have possibly taken it? 

I swallowed hard in panic.My cheeks were literally dripping tears and I took out my knife. This time,I was not planning to cut my skin, and watch the pain bleed away. I wanted so much more than that. I wanted to end the horrible life that I had been forced into. I never chose my path. It would have been more than perfect if my mother had aborted me. Then I would never have to face life at its worst.

While there were teenage girls taking advantage of the goodness of their parents; there was me, wishing to just see my parents. I prayed everyday that they would have changed, and we could have lived a fairy tale life like I often dreamed. 

The knife was a few inches away from my bare wrist, and the urge was strong to slit it. I gained all the courage I needed and harshly slashed my skin. The blood was crimson and thick. Why didn't I pass out? It was depressing to live and to end life. I noticed that higher up my cut, there was a vein. "Great," I thought out loud. I had missed the fucking vein. Way to go Tracy! The pain was not unbearable, and was much better than the emotional pain which I endured daily. 

I dabbed at the blood with a napkin that I had found on the dresser. " Are you okay?" I was startled by the voice and my heart skipped a beat. I turned to see Ms.Everest. 

I tried to hide my wrist but she noticed. "Oh my God....how in the world did you cut yourself," she murmured. Her eyes then fell on the knife with a line of thick blood and she gasped.

" I didn't know you did that...no...no...no...no," Ms.Everest was ranting on. " I..I," I had no idea how I could have explained myself. My head drooped in shame, and I let out a small sigh. "I'm not upset at you," she surprised me by saying. I eyed her and there was nothing but pity in her dark brown eyes. 

She pulled me into a hug,and more tears escaped my eyes. " I'll get you to a clinic, this can get infected," she softly spoke in my hair. I continued sobbing on her chest, inhaling the fresh herbs on her apron. 

We went downstairs and she changed quickly into a dress, to take me to a health clinic in order to dress the deep cut. I was still sobbing although she reassured me that all would be okay.

Jake looked at me as we left on the car. I didn't like him. Not one bit. He seemed like the type that used girls and I was already overused. I couldn't bare a relationship ever again. I really wanted a best friend though. Someone who would listen to my every word and give me great advice. Someone on whom I could have depended. 

Jake's mom entered the house. She would be staying until we returned. I hated her for her words. It was not fair for her to describe me as such a horrible beast. I had no control over my parents and the life that I would end up in. If I did have control, I would probably be somewhere living a happy life and maybe on a date with the perfect guy.

"I hope you're not mentally beating up yourself," Ms.Everest said to me." No," I bit my lip to keep from bursting out in tears. 

How fucked up could life have gotten?

I hoped that the future was laid out on a bright golden carpet, with nothing less than the best that life has to offer. 

I was just grateful that I found a resting place for some time. I really doubted that goodness was on my side. It definitely was; when it made me find, this beautiful woman.