My Only Desire

Chapter 1

January 15th, 2015

It was supposed to be a new year. Things were supposed to change. But it was the same thing it's always been. Devon White's birthday was a week ago from today and a week later, it's his wake and funeral.

My mind traveled a thousand memories of him and I throughout time. I knew him since I was a little girl and we grew up together. Everyone basically new him because we lived in a small town in northern Maine. News got around quick through word of mouth. The old church down the road even had a billboard that spelled out RIP DEVON WHITE YOU'LL BE MISSED in dingy old crooked letters.

The wake is going to be held at his own house. I believe that his parents don't deserve to see him after his death, they're the ones who killed him. They doubted his dreams and took away his pride. They took away everything he ever loved about himself, and then they took away his life.

Devon White was gay. Everyone knew it and no one cared, except his parents. Everyone loved him for the way he was, except his parents. They disowned him, practically treated him like a stranger which pushed him over the edge. He was so upset with his life that he took it away, and that's where we are now. The day of his funeral.

I found a black dress in my closet that had a folded lace collar and a white button. I put on black pantyhose and boots. I let my dark hair drape down in nots and messy curls. The color of my hair and the clothes I wear bring out the pale color tone I have. Dark gray circles outline the bottom of my eyes. I leave them alone, I don't try to fix them. I outline my eyes with black eyeliner and put on black mascara, fits the mood I guess. I grab a little over the shoulder handbag and walk out the door. My aunt watches me from the window shaking her head as I begin to light a cigarette with a little lighter that Devon used to keep in his room. I could smell a mix of butane, nicotine, and damp, wet rain. It filled my nostrils and burned my lungs. I dragged in a puff and blew it out. I can see my aunts silhouette lingering in the window. I didn't bother to acknowledge her presence I just walked on.

I only had to walk a block along the side of the road to get to his house. In that time I had 2 cigarettes, four cars honk at me, a redneck whistle to me, and got my hair soaking wet. I walked in the door and everyone stopped their conversation and stared at me. I saw Devon's parents in the other room by the casket. His mom started balling and brought out a crumpled tissue from her dress pocket and wiped her eyes. I rolled my eyes, I had no sympathy for what she did, for what either of them did. I walked to the front of the casket and stood on a chair hoping to bring all the attention to me to make a toast to Devon and his beautiful life. I banged on a glass and everyone stared at me, some seemed to look at me in disgust because they never have liked me, I just gave them an evil face back. I gave my eulogy and gave a snobby bow to those who didn't care to listen.

Devon's parents came up to me to tell me how thoughtful my toast was and how wonderful of a person I was and a great friend to Devon. All I could do was laugh and give them a condescending look. "No seriously Emily it was beautiful,he would of loved it," Mrs. White said to me. I whipped my body around, "oh bullshit you wouldn't know anything, you have no idea." "Emily," she reached out to grab me and I pulled away. "No you know what," I felt a tear go down my cheek, "fuck you." I flipped her off and walked out.