mute depression

nine from her family

"but my dear," said her mother, "maybe you don't want us to understand."

opal's mother was looking at her, with her eyes begging opal's eyes to look at hers, but opal was staring at her lap, folding her fingers. her mind was yelling the thoughts of her mother if she saw opal's pale eyes. even though opal mind was not optimistic, her mother was careful with her. she felt the same thing when she held opal for the first time when she was one-day old.

like an enchanting statue of glass opal was. so fragile, yet so beautiful.

opal shrugged in response. maybe, just maybe, she thought.

"why now mum?"

her mother sighed. she had expected this question to be asked. "opal look at me," her mother kindly said, but opal swallowed instead.

her mother sighed again. as she expected that question, she also she expected to release sighs a lot during this conversation. It made her heart feels heavy.

how wonderful is that humans can be heard breathing or else opal would be shaking from the fear of silence. she wanted her mother to leave the room, but her mind wanted her to speak.

"because you never told me your problems."

"you should've noticed"

"how on earth I should've noticed while you're faking what you feel!" her mother exclaimed.

opal wanted to save herself from the truth. she couldn't do anything but wrap her arms around herself.

after few seconds--which felt like hours to both of them--after their heart beats started to beat in normal speed again. her mother spoke, "look opal, i understand that you're angry with me and i know i have been mistaken." opal looked at her, her mother had a mixture emotions in her heart. it was somehow as if her heart was full of blood and it was going to explode.

"but you threw those few words that were like a puzzle, and it took me time to solve it." she smiled, not that kind of smile when you're happy. It was the smile the breaks into the sad faces, that is slowly finding the light in the bottom of the ocean.

"there are people who always notice our problems opal. don't say 'they don't exist'. they may be friends, parents, neighbors, or even teachers. they all may notice as well as they all may try to help. I was the one who noticed you opal and I want to help, at least try before it's too late."

how strange these words were to opal's ears. this conversation was odd to her, she wanted her mother to leave and to stay at the same time. she listened to her while she had a fight inside.

opal's mother laced her hands, putting them on her lab. she looked at opal and with the same smile she asked, "do you know why clouds don't fall?"

opal hummed, surprised by the question.

""stars do fall at night, but the clouds never fall. why?

opal's lips separated and she shook her head slowly.

"because they float and what floats never falls. the clouds are captive between space and the sky. you're quite the same, opal. you're stuck between two worlds and that's beyond your energy."

opal unwrapped her arms and looked at her mother with knitted eyebrows.

"don't fake anything. don't force yourself into anything, you're still too young to let this huge world break you. you don't want to smile then don't. you don't want to talk to a certain person, don't!"

her mother took one of opal's hands and covered it with hers. she looked into her eyes, trying to speak to her soul. "you need to let yourself fall."

"but what if I fell on rocks," said opal. her voice was shaking like her heart. the weak look in her mother's eyes saddened her.

"but what if you fell on feathers?"

:) sorry for the late update i've been extremely busy. one chapter left and an epilogue