Alessia

Baby Mama

Graduation passed and sadly a few days later my grandpa did as well. I was with him the week he died and when he died. And as the weeks after his death played on I didn't leave the condo. I didn't talk to anyone and I barely ate. I did work online, slept, cried, and a few other things. I was completely sick, both mentally and physically. I hadn't said a single word since my Grandpa's funeral. Every single person knew that this effected me more than any loss ever would.  I could barely continue to live the way I was. But I was so far down no one knew what to do anymore. My body was a pale Carmel color . my eyes had bags and my face sunken in and makeup free. My legs slim and weak as well as my arms. My hands were small, fragile, pale, and shaking all the time. I was on the edge of ending up in a mental institution. I couldn't look my family, Melissa, or Matthew in the eye when they tried talking to me. They were annoyed by my weakness and silence. They just wanted me to talk and move on in life but I couldn't. It was like my stars had died out and my world was crumbling. I wanted to disappear from the universe.

I went and climbed into bed early that night. In my sleep I had nightmare that my grandpa was dying and they had me pinned on the floor. Every time I tried to move to help him these masked people hit me. My grandpa was screaming my name for help. The people said 'either you die or he does'. 'I kept whispering and saying and screaming 'stop', 'please stop it hurts', 'please I'm begging you'. Little did I realize that in my sleep I was actually sobbing and screaming those things. The people pulled their triggers on me and I died slowly then all at once. I sat up shaking and sobbing in my bed. Across the room was a worried Matthew. I climbed out of bed shaking as fear and pain and anger consumed me. I threw down my books from my book shelf. "Angel calm down" Matthew said softly. Memories of my grandfather played through my mind and it hit me like nothing before, My grandpa was really gone. I threw down a glass cup and pencils and makeup. I threw my flower vase down and the dying flowers lay in the puddle of water and broken glass on the ground. I threw my phone down, I threw whatever was in reach. Till finally I fell to my knees sobbing. Matthew rushed to me and sat down and pulled me onto his lap. He held me while I sobbed and shook. He kept rubbing my back and kissing my forehead trying to calm me down. But I couldn't because my grandpa was dead, my room was destroyed, my family was angry at me, my nightmare haunted my memory, my heart was in terrible condition, and I was to sick to fix everything. The door burst open and I could tell my roommates stared in shock. "Why did we hear screaming, and what happened to her room, what did you do Matthew" Jack said. "Nothing, it's a long story" he said. "So she'll scream but she won't talk to us" Melissa sassed angrily. "Melissa stop" Matthew said trying calm her down. "No Matthew I won't. Alessia your being such a child and I'm sick of it. Why do I have to put up with you. Your an adult you should be able to handle yourself and not need anyone's help. This isn't fair to anyone else and if you don't stop your gonna lose us just like you lost your grandpa. And we won't come back just like your grandpa because we won't love you or care about you anymore. And I'm on the verge of slapping you unless you get your crap together" she yelled. And I silenced entirely and stopped shaking instantly. But my heart felt like I was officially broken. "Melissa" Matthew scowled angrily. "How could you say that" Nash said low and angry. "Get out" I breathed out but only Matthew got a hint of it. All eyes turned to me in confusion. "Get out" I said in a hushed tone. "You talked" Cameron said wide eyed. "Get out please" I said louder than before. Only a few left but when I looked up at them they all left including Matthew.

3 days later, 9:03 pm
I stood up and locked my door then went into my bathroom. I locked my bathroom down and took off all my clothes. I filled my bathtub and climbed in. I cleaned myself up then just laid in the water. I put my entire body and head under the water. I kept my head under the water for a long period of time. I could barely breath and was struggling to keep myself under. I came up and heard a door slam shut loudly. I went under the water again. But this time when I was struggling I stayed under. I was lightheaded and my mouth flew open. Letting water fill my lungs. My eyes closed no longer looking through the water and up at my white ceiling. I felt my body sink to the bottom of the bathtub and I thought this is the end. But suddenly I pulled up to the surface and I coughed up water as the the cold air hugged my head, neck, and chest. The bathtub started to drain and I was pulled up and wrapped it a towel. I was held tightly in someone's arms while they cried softly and kept kissing my forehead.  I knew as soon as a head was tucked in the crook of my neck that it was Matthew. I didn't know what to do. So my eyes fluttered open and I weakly wrapped my arms around his neck. I knew I had surprised him but I just wanted for him to stop crying. I wanted to see his perfect smile, and hear his perfect laugh, and sleep in his perfect arms. I kissed his neck and cheek. I turned his head so his teary eyes stared back into my lost eyes. And I kissed him hoping his tears would stop and they did. He kissed back and I felt a feeling of wholeness take over my body. I parted and looked into his eyes again. "I'm so sorry" I whispered softly while my lip quivered. "Can I take you somewhere" he asked. I nodded softly and he said "can you get dressed or do you need help?". Embarrassed I said " I need help" my cheeks flushed. He smiled and pulled my towel off me. He helped me put on black undergarments, white jeans, socks, a grey sweater, black and white flannel. I pulled on my vans and thick jacket. I put on lip balm, mascara, powder, and I filled in my eyebrows. I put in my pearl earrings and brushed my hair. I turned to look at Matthew and he smiled. He grabbed my hand leading me out of the condo and into the world. I hadn't been outside in so long it felt good to breath unfiltered air. He led me through the busy streets of New York. I squeezed his hand trying to get him to stop. My sore legs hadn't had exercise in a long time. He stopped and pulled me to the side to a restaurant patio. He looked into my eyes and I realized how cold it was. Our deep breaths let out white clouds and my hands grew cold. He pulled off his white hat and put it on my head and pulled up his hood.  Without a word he lifted me on his back holding my thighs while I held onto his neck and broad shoulders. The grip of his hands gave me chills. Matt jogged through the streets carrying me  tightly. I smiled at the lights and people and shops.  Finally we stopped and my breath hitched. We stood at the gates central park. Lights were strung in the trees a red ribbons were wrapped around tree trunks. Snow lightly covered the trees and ground. People walked through the beautiful park. Matthew let me down and grabbed my hand. I intertwined our fingers as we walked through and the hum of the Christmas music playing filled my ears. I let go of Matt's hand and he wrapped his arm around my waist and I side hugged him. I looked at Matthew licking my lips. And suddenly his lips were on mine and my heart was filled. Butterflies fluttered inside me and electric currents were sent through my body. After a few moments we parted.