My Kind Of Guy

Chapter Eight

A/N 

It's finally here!!!! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update but now I've started college this isn't really one of my priorities, so I just do this when I have free time. But if any of you ever want to chat with me about anything feel free to inbox me, I'll always have time to talk to y'all. 

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I don't realise quite how far I'm running. My eyes are full of tears, my vision blurry, and my pulse throbbing in my head with my chest burning to the same rapid beat, but I keep going. I don't eveen know my way around, I'm just going wherever the maze of roads carry me.

I don't know what to think. My head is a complete mess. He kissed me... and it was all wrong. It wasn't like the kiss I shared with Jordan. No, that was soft, delicate, and perfect. It was everything. It sent of sparks of love, and gave me butterflies in my stomach. Ricky's kiss was desperate and messy. And it wasn't full of love. It was different. Because I'm not sure if I love him, or if I ever can.

We've been forced together by our families, forced into a position where we have to cope with each other and live together. Forced to act like we love each other. Forced to pretend. But are we still pretending? Maybe he just took the acting to far. Because I was showing him that I didn't love him. I didn't send him any signs or make it even seem like I may be attracted to him.

Because I may be attracted to him. I don't know how I feel, my head's all over the place. He's attractive, he has a whole group of women who love him. He's what people like. He's... nice, I guess. Underneath everything, he's sweet. He is one of the few people who show their true emotions to the camera. He's sensitive. But maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I'm reaching the point where even I'm starting to believe what we've been faking is real.

I don't know where I am. I'm in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people getting on with their lives. To them, I'm just another runner taking their daily jog through the streets. They don't see the mess that I'm in. They don't see anything. I'm just a speck of dust, in the grand scheme of things. I'm a nobody, a nothing. I'm insignificant in everyone's lives.

I don't stop running, I don't let my disguise down. I'm another runner, just blending in.

I just want everything to stop. I want all of this to end. I want the confusion and the madness to finish. I want it to be over.

I finally stop, giving in to my aching legs and burning chest. I lean against the wall to a tearoom. I'm in some part that I have no idea where it is. I've never even saw this page before. qIt's uite pretty, with low hedges around the outside, and I can just see an interior through the window, decorated with flower patterned materials.

I hear a voice behind me that I recognise. For God's sake, why is he here?! I turn around and see him walking up the street towards me. He knows I'm here too - he's seen me. It's Jordan.

'What the hell are you doing here?' I hiss. He has a guilty look on his face.

He walks over and stands next to me. 'I would ask you the same thing, but then again, you seem too have a few of your own secrets too.'

I can't escape him. Where can I run to? I have no home to go back to. It's either I go back to Ricky, or I stay here and face the music. After all, I would rather not face Ricky right now.

I look down at my feet - anything to avoid looking at him. If I look at him, I know my heart will break.

'When you said you were with someone, you never mentioned that he was famous. You never told me anything. Did you not think that I needed to know anything like that?!'

'I'm sorry,' I say, almost in a whisper. I look away, making sure no one can hear us. I don't want anyone to hear this. I don't even want myself to hear it.

'You led me on. You made me think you actually wanted me.' He sounds disgusted, and I don't blame him. Yes, I did lead him on. Yes, I know that was wrong. But in my head, it had been okay. In my head, I wasn't with Ricky. In my head I was still that woman with no job or life. I know it was wrong.

'I did.' I reply almost automatically. I don't even think about it. But now it was out there.

'Then leave him.' Jordan says. 'Leave him to be with me.' He says it as if it's simple. As if that's all there is to it.

'It's not that easy.' I say. 'I'm sorry, but I can't'

'You wasted my time. I don't know why I ever even bothered with you.' He says.

'What are you doing here?' I repeat after a while.

'I came to find you.'

I don't know why I think that running will solve all of my problems. But I still run away from him. And with a quick glance behind, he's gone.

I trip and fall onto my hands and knees. I hadn't been looking where I was going. I pull myself back up, brushing the dirt off my hands. I look up, but there's someone stood in front of me, and I instantly know who he is. Ricky.

'You okay?' He asks, as if he had been with me the whole time and hadn't just randomly turned up.

I nod. I'm numb all over, I don't know if I'm hurt. I don't know how I feel about anything.

'We need to talk.' He says. We don't need to do anything. I could just go right now. Grab my bags from his flat and leave. I didn't have to do anything. But something made me agree to talk with him. 'Come back to the flat with me?' He asks, and I nod. I don't know why. Do I want to? I can't give you an honest answer. I don't know what I want any more.

Ricky shows me over to his car - I don't ask him how he knew where to find me - and he drives us back to his flat.