WAY TO DIE #3
JEALOUSY IS A BITCH
My eyes have seen terrible things. Terrible things that in comparison to the average person, would most likely scar them for life. I suppose this is the reason for not sleeping at night. On a normal night, anyway.
My point is that the horrible things that are included in this specific category includes walking in on a particularly hot and heavy make out session between Marzia and Felix. Within the conversations that happened afterwards was a lot of awkward silences, and the floor seemed immensely interesting at that point.
The fact that this has happened more than once makes me feel uneasy, and puts me off all together, but I am also kind of glad that I walked in when I did. Sounds strange, but I'm glad to know that things didn't escalate any further. The truth behind this is because I am simply
Jealous.
Yes, Mr Won't-believe-anything has finally gotten a heavy dose of reality and admitted to himself that he is jealous of a woman that simply doesn't deserve the man she has, doesn't realise how fucking lucky she is to have him. She doesn't realise just what I wouldn't give to hold him in my arms again, just for one night. Felix's problematic girlfriend isn't the only disruption that between Felix and I becoming a thing. I've known that he isn't gay, and as much as I pray and swear to God, I know that it won't do shit, so here I am.
But really, what do you do when you're jealous of what your best friend's girlfriend has? What's the correct way to react? What's the correct way to go about it? Hell, is there even a way to go about it? After all, it's my own fault for falling for a straight man who just so happens to have a girlfriend and so happens to be my best friend. Yes, the jokes on me, I know.
Is my jealousy really that inexplainable, though? And even though the countless hours I spend thinking about Felix and all of his beauty, am I really the bad guy to get jealous? I mean, sure, maybe if I found a guy that wanted Marzia, we could split them, but hey, this is the real world, so let's get real! My point is that even if I said that I was jealous of them, they'd never think I was jealous of having Felix, would they? Their mind would automatically think of me as a straight male, either jealous of their 'perfect' relationship, or of not having Marzia. Boy, their logic is too simple, too simple for complex people.
My self-conscience tells me that I have definitely gotten myself in too deep, and I won't deny that I have, it's just the fact that I'm telling myself this, and I actually believe it, says something about this situation.
Yes, my countless drabble on and on about pointless things that don't even have an interest in the conversation are boring, but as soon as I bring up the possible fact that I am jealous, insanity! And the fact that I walked in on Marzia and Felix just as they were about to fuck? Madness!
But on a serious note, what has she done to deserve such a man? Does she know what I've done? Because I hope some Greek God up in the sky does, so when I finally die from the disease of 'Felix Kjellberg', they'll be there to hand me that two million dollars. I've waited for so long and haven't gotten anything! Well...
The skin on his neck, a small impairment that is a deep purple shows from under his scarf. He gives me a look, eyes tensing, almost worrying. Marzia's look of annoyance as she sees the exchange is obvious, with her lips pressed into a frown.
Something about it says that she knows I put that mark there, yet I know that's impossible, because
How could she ever know?
Whoa whoa whoa, where did that come from that
Has
Nothing
To
Do
With
The
Situation
At
Hand.
But being jealous of what MarIa had is like a punch to the mouth. I can never have it. It's virtually impossible for me to kiss Felix, and hold Felix, with his whole sexuality thing. I guess it's kind of like a terminal illness, sneaking in, ignored, until it's finally sprung on you and it's too late to do something for a cure. I have the disease of Felix, and there is no cure.
One day, I'm going to wake up dead.
