Can you keep a secret?
This a secret.
Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if I no longer existed.
Would there be more rain or more rainbows?
Less heartbreak, fewer dark days?
Would the world be better off without me?
I have no place, no niche in society.
Would the world really be better off?
Would I be better off?
Why do I feel the most alone in a crowed room, the one place I should feel the most friendship?
I feel... expendable.
No one ever passes me notes or starts hallway conversations with me.
No one wants to know what is going on with me or how I am doing.
Even if someone asks I lie and either they don't know I am lying or they don't care enough to find out.
My life just seems to be one bottomless pit of loneliness.
I wonder if there is any escape because from where I am standing it sure doesn't look like it.
This damn hole put keeps getting deeper and deeper.
Maybe I could just disappear little by little, until I disappear completely.
Then no one would be hurt if I ended it completely.
I can never tell what would happen, but I could only imagine.
Life would be easier for everyone, I would be one less person to worry about.
I keep spiraling down this dark path.
I could use a little solace, a little reassurance.
I will not find any because no one knows what I feel, think, or imagine.
No one knows I contemplate different ways to end it all.
I am always coming up with new ways.
Always more creative than the last.
No one knew.
But now you know and you have to keep my secrets.
No one can know how I invent new ways to kill myself, how I dream of my little hidden razor sliding across the pale skin of my wrists.,how I wish I could wipe this fake ass smile off my face and let everyone know what I am really feeling.
Let them all know that I am not okay, I have never been okay.
That every time they asked I was worse than before.
I just want to cry and let the tears stream down my face like a dam that burst because the pent up emotions.
I want to scream andfeel nothing all at the same time, but I can't.
There is never the right place to let it all go, no place is safe.
I'm not even safe in my own mind.
If I am not safe there, how can I believe I will be safe anywhere else?
The simple answer is that I can't.
I just can't.
Most of the time I just want to be numb and feel nothing instead of this never ending stream of hate for myself.
But hey may I don't feel any of this and it is just the depression talking.
YOU ARE READING
My Poetry
ПоэзияI have decided to start posting my poetry. Most of my poetry is written in the form of spoken word poetry that is also known as slam poetry. I also have some of my poetry that is just like free verse. I don't write my poetry for the approval of othe...
