My Poetry

Being a Woman

I hate being a woman.
I legitimately hate being a woman.
Sure it has it's perks.
Such as boobs.
But there is so much crap too.

For starters the standard put on girls to be perfect.
Eyeliner drawn to perfect wings,
Eyeshadow the perfect shade to complement your eyes but not make it to dark, y
Lips in a perfect pout in a shade that is classy but not screaming slut,
And skin that is smooth and beautiful and doesn't look like pizza.
Don't forget that we are supposed to be supermodel thin because being fat is crime.
But you can't be to thin or your considered anorexic.
There is no margin for being different.

Then comes our personalities.
We have to be smart, funny, honest,
Genuine, loyal, classy,
Courageous, strong, independent,
Dependent, determined, driven,
Flirty, sweet, kind,
Caring, sassy, fun,
Low maintenance, and don't forget we have to have that motherly instinct.
We are expected to be everything all at once or we just aren't worth it.

That is just what society expects, but what about what we think of ourselves.
I weigh to much.
I'm to fat.
My butts to big.
My boobs are to small.
I'm to tall.
I have a double chin.
I'm to pale.
I'm ugly.
My hair isn't perfect.
My makeup isn't right.
I can't do anything right.
I suck.
I'm not good enough for anyone.
In stupid.
I'm an idiot.
I'm worthless.
This is really just scratching the surface.

Now is time for the real rant.
The bloody massacre.
Who came up with the period.
Seriously, why was it smart to force a woman through hell for a week.
The cramps so bad you feel like you are going to be sick.
The cramps that hurt so bad that you curl up in the fetal position and literally can't move for hours.
Or the cramps that feel like your uterus has become possessed and is trying to forcibly claw it's way out.
Yeah, those cramps.
Now about the bloating.
Having so much water weight that you feel pregnant.
How is that possible.
Your period is meant to tell you that your not pregnant, why do you have to feel as if you are.
We woman become freaking bloatation devices.
That is really not okay.
And you are moody.
People are always asking why your being such a bitch.
"I'm being a bitch because I feel fat and awkward, my vagina gushing blood like Niagra falls, and my hormones are so crazy that you just called me a bitch. That's why."
The period is the Bane of a woman's existence.

Then every young woman has pregnancy to look forward too.
Such a beautiful thing.
Your glowing and growing a little life inside you.
The cravings, the ankle swelling, mood swings, pregnancy brain, and vomiting.
Forty weeks of that.
But that is all just a walk in the park compared to shoving a melon out if a quarter sized hole.
I really don't get how that works.
There is ripping and cutting and tearing.
That just sounds like a whole lot of pain.
But that is only the case if everything goes as planned.
A c-section is a very real possibility.
Having your stomach cut open only to have hand reach inside you to pull out a little human.
That is terrifying.
And after all that you have a baby.
All they do for months is eat, sleep, an poop.
They are super cute, but the scale is in no way balanced.
Plus you are stuck with all their moody craziness for 18 years.
Pregnancy looks like a blast.

Then middle aged women fear "the change".
Menopause...
I didn't know a whole lot about the topic, so I had to do a little google search.
The results were painful just to read and it turns out that it can traumatized your entire body.
For starters I never knew your vagina could transform into a dry barren wasteland.
That sounds uncomfortable.
There is apparently a lot of itching, stinging, and burning involved.
There may be a bit of bleeding as well.
It also happens that if your vagina is dry your sex life will be nonexistent.
It makes sex painful and uncomfortable.
I certainly don't plan on suffering through sex just to please a man.
Another side effect is hot flashes.
I guess and easy fix would be to carry around a jacket, but that would be a hassle.
Plus what happens when your so hot your burning in your own clothes, what do you do then?
You can't necessarily strip in the middle of the supermarket.
Menopause can also cause you to lose sleep.
I know I value my sleep and I'm sure you do too.
During the change you can wake up to early, not be able to go to sleep, wake up frequently, or have trouble going back to sleep.
I don't think I can handle being a woman anymore.
So I hope when yo go through the change you're not super busy because I see frequent potty breaks in your future.
Menopausal women have to pee all the time.
It isn't even a lot.
They just always feel as if they have to pee.
I just hope your ready for a rest stop every hour or so.
Another great thing to lol forward to is having your vagina burn when you pee.
Yup you guessed it, an increase in UTIs.
Got to get that acquired taste for drugs and cranberry juice.
And if to had a healthy sex life before, say goodbye.
You won't want it.
Your libido does a magic trick and disappears. .
Time to find a new recreational activity ladies.
These are just a few if the biggie's I touched on.
There is one perk of menopause.
You no longer have much of a period.
Goodbye pads and tampons, hello adult diapers.

Being a woman sucks.
We are put through so much crap it's a wonder we aren't a bunch of spiteful little twits.
Yeah, I hate being a woman, but who really wants to be a man instead.