Face that I knew

I should know this.

I was able to easily recall. The so called face of his. I could remember how he looked like, at least I thought. Well, there wasn't a need to, since he was always there. The face that's so familiar. The face that I knew.

But at the end. It was just an assumption. The face that I thought I knew. The face that I thought I was so familiar with.

Flickering. I try to recall. Those eyes, those wrinkles, those teeth. All that came up were a blurry mess. As though fog has taken over, the face seems covered. And as I try. To recall the times. The only one came up when he gave me a jelly and a toy car, too childish for my age. It was the first thing that he gave me yet, I remember putting it aside, not giving it a thought.

But those smiles that lit up as I greet him. Those eyes that looks at me, probably endearing. Yet, I felt scared. And, the gifts goes unappreciated.

They said he was scary. They said he will hurt you. They said he would only scold. I believe them. Not questioning. Never in fact doubting it. I took their words seriously. Never once did I felt those eyes, those gift, those hands were in fact actually warm.

I don't remember going to the hospital to visit you. I don't remember talking more than a sentence with you. I don't remember that day my parents got the call. I don't remember how I still managed to go for exams. I don't remember the days that follows. I don't remember the grief. I don't remember the sadness.

After the few days of exam. I remember sitting there at the funeral. I remember folding the paper. I remember the chanting. I remember the quarreling. I remember you. Lying there. Lifeless as though a figure. I remember her breaking down.

The days that follow. I don't remember. I do remember the day when we realise the truth. I do remember that day I cried in the toilet. I remember regret.

And just as today, and that day. And those days that I tried to recall. I don't remember how you look like.

Just as time heals. Just as time pass. Your face in my memory has too, pass.