Staying High [ DISCONTINUED ]

chapter eleven

I see George leaning on his car. I walk up to him and stand in front of him.

"I'm glad you didn't plan to ditch me today." He says.

"I don't ditch you. I'm just busy, you know." I say.

Busy? You were busy giving Miles what he needed for years. My subconscious kicks in.

"Where are we going and why are we doing this?" I ask.

"I don't know either." He says. "We've been doing this since we met back home."

Home.

"Whatever, let's go, sucker." I say. I walk to the passenger's seat and enter. I hear George chuckle and I smile. He enters and starts the engine.

"Where are we going?" He asks.

"We are going to my favorite place," I say. He looks at me and raises a brow. "Let's go to the woods!"

"Looks like you're going to kill me there." He chuckles and warms up the car. I take his beanie and put it on myself.

"I haven't planned yet." I say with a freaky smile.

He looks at me and he suddenly turns pale.

I can kill him. Damn, I can kill everybody I hate.

When I was thirteen years old, I wanted to be a murderess. I always think of murdering people who made fun of me and played with me. Rebekah Roberts was almost my first victim but I didn't murder anyone yet. I just don't know why. This is the point of my life when I touch something sharp and dangerous, I can find ways to kill a person. Everybody has the point when you want to kill somebody because they somehow destroyed everything you had. I know that I'm not the only one who felt this. But whatever... It's just in the past.

I continue to look at him and he is really pale.

"You sucker! I was just joking!" I shout. I laugh out loud and he breathes and shake his head.

"You fucking got me!" He says. "I hate you!"

I laugh even more.

"Shit, you are too gullible." I look at the road. "That's why you get hurt."

"But I only get hurt by you." He says.

I stay silent for the rest of the drive.

***

I look at the dark sky filled with billions of stars. Some dead and some alive. I'm in the woods, laying down on his car trunk beside him.

"What a beautiful view," I say.

"Of course," He says. I look at him and he's already looking at me.

"Stop that bullshit." I shake my head and look at the sky again.

"It's true, Blaire. You just don't have the guts to believe it." He says.

"People don't think so. We are like stars, George. We sometimes shine but we aren't really shining. Stars are like that. We see them shining all the time using our eyes but stars don't shine. We don't shine bright. We suck shit out of people like me. I suck shit. People sometimes wanted to be me because I am carefree and rebel but they don't know what's happening to me." Tears come streaming down my face but I try to hold them back.

"And other people judge me. They look at me like I'm some kind of freak! They thought I'm fucking perfect which fucking bullshit! They aren't perfect! Well, fuck! Nobody's perfect! They don't even know me. Do they even know why am I like this? Do they know I was fucking cheated on? Do they even know that I try to stay high to forget him? Do they even know that I'm just wearing a fucking mask just to hide the pain that I'm keeping for years!" I can't. I cry out loud. I sit up and tuck my head. I feel him sit down and he hugs me.

I try to talk but I can't. He jeeps whispering comforting words but I can't breathe.

No. Not again.

I hug him so tight but I can't catch me breath. He looks at me and I shut my eyes. He lets me go and gets my spare inhaler in his car. He gives it to me and I put it on my mouth and press.

Oh god. I haven't have these attacks since last month.

"Are you okay now?" He asks.

"Yes," I weakly say.

I put the inhaler beside me and hug him. He hugs me tightly. He looks at me and tilt my chin to stare at his soul.

"The world is a filthy place. It's a filthy goddamn horror show. There's so much pain, you know? There's so much." He says. ((A/N: sorry! i just needed to copy this from AHS! i'm not plagiarizing!! that quote is from AHS Murder House!! Carry onn!!))

I close my eyes and breathe in.

"I think I'm not telling the truth." I say.

"You aren't always telling the truth, Blaire--"

"I love you," There. I said it. "But I'll eventually hurt you in the end."

"I'm ready to be hurt because I love you." He says.

I yawn. "What time is it?"

"Three am sharp," He says. "That's why we have told each other so many secrets."

"I'm sleepy." I yawn again.

"Sleep,"

***

(A/N: GUYS! OH MY GOD!!! WATTPAD IS AUTOMATICALLY DELETING MY HARD WORK OH GOD!!!!!!! I WISH YOUD UNDERSTAND!!! BUT I WISH YOU ENJOYED!!! THANKIES AND DONT FORGET TO VOTE COMMENT AND SHARE!!! BYIEEEE

-- leigh (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ _|_____|_
*flips table*)