Nightmares [Real Stories]

Nightmare Sixteen

This is by far one of the worst nightmares I ever had before. It's not the first one by far, but it gets into the firsts.

It was the day of her funeral.

I know you expect me to say how much I was sobbing and crying, but for your information, that was the thing.

I wasn't crying nor sobbing.

I was just standing with a poker face on my face, showing nothing at all. I was standing next to everyone, all of them trying to blink away the tears; nevertheless, some of them like Andrea's parents and family were not doing such a great job.

In this dream, I was staring at Andrea's coffin. It was white with some flower's decorations around the sides. The flowers were a mix between cherry blossom and garden pansies, all together attached to vines and leaves.

Now, I often use those flowers as decorations for my projects in ceramics or studio art, and they always make an impact on people because, those flowers somehow are now my artistic style. Crazy huh?

Anyways, the funeral was short, but painful.

Why wasn't I crying? Why couldn't I sob like everyone was? What was forbidding me to not show an emotion of sadness or regret? I should be weeping over her death, not standing motionless here.

The ceremony ended, and the coffin was buried in the cold and muddy ground. The only thing that was like a pinch of light was the cherry blossom tree that bloomed above her grave. I stood there looking at it for some time, watching the wind go between the falling cherry flowers and landing on Andrea's grave. I waited for the tears to come out, or even to feel the stings behind my eyes or trembling of my chin or even the stingy sensation in my throat, but nothing.

"Laura" my mother's voice spook out of nowhere, bringing me back from my little trance. I looked at her, and what saw made me sick. She was looking at me with pity and sadness. I wanted to erase that look from her face and tell her to go away if she didn't, but I didn't have the strength to do so.

"We need to go, come on.." she asked softly, extending her hand for me to hold it. I just listened to her and did as she told me, but I didn't leave without putting my hand on her gravestone, a gesture of goodbye.

Once I got home, I went into my room. I wanted to be left alone. I stared into oblivion for what seemed years when I stood up and went to my house's garden. It was small and it was half cement and half grass.

I then remembered the spot where once Andrea and I sat once she used to come to this house, also beneath a cherry blossom tree. She loved those trees as much as I did... I sat down and let myself stare into oblivion once more.

When, suddenly I thought :

"Andrea won't be coming to this house anymore"

"She won't be sitting by my side anymore"

"She won't be able to feel the wind against her face and through her hair"

Every thought then came into one simple one:

"Because of me, she and her daughter won't be able to feel anything at all anymore" And I remembered the little empty coffin standing besides Andrea's.

That's when I fell to pieces. The tears began to come out and they began to fall like streams and waterfalls. I couldn't stop them, I just couldn't. I was screaming, tears coming and coming. I wanted to say sorry, but I couldn't.

I woke up with tears falling from my eyes, and they didn't stop either. No one was beside me, so I thought it was a silent nightmare, not like the others.

I kept thinking "It's my fault" over and over and over again, the tears just coming wilder and more unstoppable than ever.

Today at noon, I woke up with my eyes colored red. Literally, red. I had eye bags of a giant on my face, and I was white pale.

I'm thankful for my family wasn't asking me why or how I got this face, but I believe they know why. I mean, who would't hear my sobs in the middle of the night while no noise is heard? I mean, who wouldn't?

My eyes sting and my throat is desert dry. I've never have this kind of nightmares since....I can't even remember since when.

But, this sad nightmare is somehow better than a bloodcurdling nightmare right?

PS: I'm woriking in my story Eternal Cold Rain, so wait for it sooner than later ok?