fat girls can't jump

0.1

"Darling, honey, you'll be alright. If you stop thinking about your weight, chances are nobody will notice. Just be confident of yourself. Don't worry love, it's going to be okay."

My mother had no idea on how bad it had gotten at school. Before, nothing mattered. There was no bullying. There wasn't anything. Nobody said anything. There was never a problem.
"Hi Ainsley, do you want my chocolate bar?"

I always said yes. Why had I always said yes? There wasn't a need to eat more than what I had to. Why did I have to eat so much? Why was I such an idiot?

"It'll be alright this year."

"No, yeah, I know, mom. Why wouldn't it be?" The truth is, I knew it wasn't going to be alright this year. Nothing was going to happen that didn't happen last year. Or the year before. My junior year had no reason to be memorable. I had no reason to want it to be memorable. I expected nothing. As a young child, I learned to expect nothing. Without expectations, you won't get disappointed. If soneone is going to hit you, make them hit you, so it comes less as a surprise.

"See, the confidence is already building." She raised her eyebrows, proud of herself. "Yeah, totally. Thanks, mom." I walked away. How would confidence make anything better? How could it stop bullying. How could it change the way I saw things. The fact is, is that it wouldn't. Nothing was going to happen. I've said this time after time to myself because I don't expect a change.

I really wish I hadn't thought this way. Why did I think this way? My parents weren't divorced. My siblings never bothered me enough to the point where I truly wished they wouldn't be living. Some part of me believed it was all that was left behind. Maybe it was hidden under my layers of fat. See, people don't know the difference bettween a thick, curvy, and fat girl.

Thick: a girl who looks like a picture that was just made wider and a little taller. They are skinny in a wider way.

Curvy: a girl who is skinny but has a big bottom and a busty upper half. Also, a girl who is thick but has a big bottom and a busty top.

Fat: a girl who has layers. A stomach, a middle stomach, and a last set. It's sort of similar to a chin. When people say tripple chins, they mean layers. Rolls of fat. That's what I have.

I am fat. I am not thick. I am not curvy. Another thing, people who are being nice lie. They lie to us. They say we're thick, or curvy. They call us beautiful. The only reason why they won't tell us the truth is because they're afraid we'll get hurt. They're scared of hurting us the slightest bit. They don't want another dead body. Someone who committed suicide. They especially do not want it to be their fault. They don't want to be blamed for killing someone. They don't want to be put up for trial for bullying and murder.

Little do they realise it hurts me like hell. It hurts me to know that they pity me so much, they have to lie. They have to pretend that they think I'm beautiful. It hurts me to think that they have to act like I'm much more than a fat girl, but I am who I am. It's sad. Too sad for what I go through.