"Class great news! We're going to Califorina!" Mr.Bullocks annouces. The whole class errupts with screams and cheers, my head shoots up. "Uhm Mr.Bullocks? What part of Califorina?" I ask curiously. He then looks up from passing out permission slips."San Francisico" He replies."Who cares!" A really annoying girl yelled.I just rolled my eyes to her response. Suddenly the bell rang. Everyone poured out of the class room.
I walked over to my locker and got my backpack, i was digging threw my cluttered mess of a locker when all of a sudden i felt someone poke me.
"Helloooooo." My best friend Kaitlyn greeted.
"Oh hey." I smiled back.
"Hottie at 3'o clock." She smirked.
I hid my face is my locker and blushed wildly. 'Hottie at 3'o clock' is our code word for Aaron my crush. I've liked him since Kinder Garten!
He passed by and i couldn't help but sneak a glance at him. Why do i even bother? Katie get over it! He is extremely popular, he is a total jokester! Not to mention he is beautiful! He is just perfection! The way he flips his hair in class makes my stomach get filled with butterflys.The way his eyes change with his emotions. He is just so dreamy! What girl wouldn't fall for him?
" Katie?!" Kaitlyn said snapping me out of my thoughts.
"What? Oh sorry!" I blushed.
"Were you day dreaming about Aaron?" She laughed.
"Me? Pshhh....No...."
"Mhm."
"Lets just go!" I laugh then close my locker, And we went our sepreate ways.
I got home and had my mother sign my permission slip, she wouldn't even notice if i was gone anyways.I went up to my room and looked at myself in the mirror, I look skinny enough but i don't feel like it.I walk to the bathroom and weigh myself, 120 pounds. I'm disqusted with myself, everyone at my school is beautiful! While i'm just there. Like Kaitlyn for example! She is perfect! Long black hair, brown sparkly eyes! Why can't i look like that! I hear my mom yell at me. I hope she isn't drunk again.I slowly walk down to the kitchen to see my mom drinking....Again.
"Yes mom?" I say scaredly.
"Hey bitch! I'm going out tonight! So don't bother me or i'll give you another surprize!" She says obviously drunk.
I get a shock of fear when she says "surprize". Her 'surprizes' aren't good ones thats code word for abuse, I have enough bruises and cutts! I can't even dress down in front fo anyone is gym, and i can't wear any shorts or tanks during the summer!
"Mom, I don't think you should be driving drunk." i trailed off.
"Shut up cunt! You can't tell me what to do! Plus i already have that fucking covered, My boyfriend is picking me up. Why don't you just worry about your self? Dumbass fucking bitch!" She screamed in my face.
"I'm sorry mom!" I said with tears stinging my eyes.
"Whatever, I'm out." My mom replied coldy.
"There's dinner on the counter, Have fun whore." She yelled and with that she left slamming the door.
I walked over to the counter and saw a frozen dinner with a sticky note saying "Bon appetit, Cunt." That's it! I'm done with this! I dashed up stairs ot my room and cried myself to sleep.
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I woke up to my Phone giving off a Facebook notfification. It was Kaitlyn she posted on my timeline that the field trip is tomorrow and she couldn't wait. I decided to get up and start packing, i looked over to the clock and it read 11:00. Mom's not home back. I got my luggage and started packing, i heard that Califorina is Cold in the morning and hot in the afternoons so i packed all my clothes.
I couldn't help but think about my mom and what she has done to me. Thinking about her makes my blood boil. She is such a crappy mom! I know she gave me life and everyhting but she treats me so badly! She took drugs and drank while i was in her stomach, luckily nothing happened to me. When i was 3 she tried to trade me for drugs! She beat me for things i didn't have anything to do with! When she got mad at me she would lock me in a closet for about 3 days or so. Once she wanted to turn me into a prostitute.I really hate her. I have to buy my own things too! I earn money by doing things in the neighborhood. Imagine having to take care of yourself from the age of ten.
I then started to bawl. Why did i have to be born into this life? Was it my fault that my mom has so much hatred? Is it true what my mom says to me? Am i really a whore? A slut? A bitch? Probably. She's one of the reason's i'm bulimic! I eat then i throw it back up! I want to be skinny! I want to be tan! I want an acne clear face! I want to have a perfect face! Or even just perfect features! Anything! I'll take anything! Please, God! Help me?! I'll admit i'm suicidal! Okay I'm fucking suicidal! I want to end my life! Make it easier for everyone. My life at school is all bullshit. I put on a fake smile and make jokes to have everyone be happy. I'm never really happy. My only happy with Kaitlyn or Aaron even though i don't talk to him very much. I'll never be with him. Ever.
I wipe my tears swiftly. I look over to my razor should i cutt? I'll finish packing then cutt. So i resume packing my items for the class trip tomorrow. It should be a hell of a day.
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I finally finished packing my luggage. I walk over to my razor. I gently pick it up and sit on the end on my bed, my mind is racing on whether i should cutt or not. I haven't self harmed in months, but it seems to be the right moment to do it. So i decide to do it. I gently glide the razor over my wrist. It stings like hell but it's relieves my pain at the same time. I yelp at how much it stings. I make a couple of more cutts then wash my wrist it hurts really bad. I can't help but cry. I wrap my wrist in a gauze and lay in bed thinking. Night Night. I think to myself before i fall in a deep sleep.
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Authors Note~
Helloooo! I'm pretty new to writing! This story is really sad. This is story is completely fiction! None of this is real what so ever! Please vote, follow or leave a comment! All are appreciated so much! Thanks to my friend Kaitlyn for pushing me to finish this! If you already haven't check her out! Her name is KaitlynTomlinson00! The model is this story is Monika Jagaciak! She will play Katie! Okay i'm going to go now! Please enjoy my story and leave feed back! it motivates me knowing people actually reads this.Haha! Bye! xoxo <3
