Paisley's Faith

Chapter 22

"Now tell us everything, starting from when you got to the park." My mom comes to rest at the end of my bed with my dad and brother as the face me and Jason.

I glance over at Jason and he nods encouragingly. I let out a sigh before telling then about Zane trying to give me alcohol and Jason's jumping to my rescue, again. I avoid telling them about me and Jason's conversation and tell them instead that I decided to run ahead of him to go home and got lost. I tell that I collapsed from exhaustion in front of the gas station.

I can feel Jason stiffening beside me as I lie but he doesn't try to stop me or correct me. Both of my parents are glaring at the end and I can tell that I'm in trouble.

"You are grounded for one month, you are breaking up with Zane, and I will no longer allow you to hang out with Jade. It is clear that they are both a bad influence on you." My mom says with enough finality in her voice to silence any argument I may have started to make.

"I have to begin preparing lunch now and your father needs to get to work. Jason, will you watch her to make sure she doesn't do anything that would contradict my grounding please. Oh, and I already took your phone and computer. Jeremiah, come help me in the kitchen" I look around as my mom says this and let out a sigh at the missing electronics.

We sit there in silence as we listen to them descend the stairs. Even after we hear them begin to prepare dinner downstairs we both sit their awkwardly, neither of us wanting to be the first one to break the silence.

Finally Jason says, "You lied to them." I look down at my hands shamefully when he says that. "Why?" I glance over at him to see him staring at me with wide, questioning eyes. "Come on. They are the most Christian people I know. How do you think they would feel if their own daughter doubted her faith?" I ask him looking him in the eyes as I say it.

That silences him for a moment before he asks, "Why do you doubt your faith?" I lean my head back, searching for a reason.

Finally I answer with a question, "Do you know how scared I was two days ago or that night at the party?" We both look at each other as I ask and he shrugs before shaking his head.

"I thought I was going to die. The first time I just wondered why God would put me through that. What was the purpose for getting me beaten senseless? Then, two days ago, when I was offered the drink I thought, is this some cruel joke? It was as if God wanted me to get myself drunk or something." I look at him, expecting him to be mad. Instead I find him looking at me and listening as if what I am saying is important.

"Of course these times aren't the first times I've felt this way. I've always had this little voice in my head asking me if God was actually real or not. It never seemed so when I was that goody-goody nerd girl with my single friend and no one noticed me." I have never told this to anyone and now I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.

I look back to him as he reaches over and holds my hand. Then he says, "Everyone has their doubts but God is always there. He was there for me when my dad was hurting and killing my mom and he'll be there for you even when you feel those doubts in you. All of this drinking that's been put in your path was put there by the Devil to tempt you and try to lead you from the Lord's path."

He squeezes my hand and I glance at him to see him shaking his head sadly before continuing, "The thing is, is that even though everyone wanted you to drink the alcohol you still listened to that one voice in your head that told you it was wrong. God was with you even then, even when you thought you were alone."

I look at him while he talks and smile at his gentle tone and even gentler smile. He still has my hand in his and traces circles with his thumb on the back of it as he talks.

"You know, the verse that got me through every day while I was with my parents was Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,". I know it's a well-known one but it's still my favorite."

"That used to be my favorite too." I tell him softly as I sink lower in the bed with the weight of the memories. "If you think about, you could be dead. If God weren't there to protect you, you might have been killed by those drunken guys at the party or wound up dead on the side of the road do to drunkenness. God has been watching over you through it all." He tells me.

"You were the one who protected me from those things." I look at him, confused. "God sent me to help." Still seeing my confused looks he asks, "Do you ever have those small feelings that you should be somewhere doing something at that exact moment? Well I believe that that was God telling me to go help you." I nod finally understanding.

We both sit there silently for a minute or so before he asks, "Do you want to pray?" I nod and he climbs off the bed to kneel beside it on one side. I painfully follow and come to my knees beside him.

We both bow our heads and I listen to his murmurs as he prays before starting my own.

God, please forgive me for what I've done. I know that I've sinned and that this is not the way I should be living. Please give me the strength to follow you, Lord, and do what you'll have me to do. Please help me be a better Christian. Thank you, for letting me live so that I may share your word with others. In his heavenly name I pray, Amen.

At some point while I was praying I had started to cry. I feel the tears slip down my face and Jason's hand on my shoulder as I cry. I lean over and hug him as I cry and I can feel him smiling as I do.

"Are you okay?" Knowing what he's really asking with those words I look up at him with a smile before nodding and saying, "Yeah, I'm okay."