She Said Goodbye

Almost

4:12 PM.
October 17, 2010.

I felt him trying to shake me awake. But I pretended to not breathe. Hoping if he thought I was dead, for good this time, he'd finally leave me be. Maybe throw me out himself, make my job easier. I hated it here. Living with my father, twice a night. Once at 8PM. and once at 10 PM. He does this. Shakes me awake gently, until I roll over to his smiling face, his dark eyes that I loved once when mother was alive. Before he killed her. It's 10 now. Second round. I sit up, and look him in the eyes, "Why do you do this? Why me?" I ask. Struggling to keep a smooth voice. "Because I love you, baby. Now follow our routine and you'll get a little extra something in the morning. Maybe even a bite of breakfast." He says, dropping his smile slightly. "And hurry up, too" He says, his smile falling completely. I sigh and stand up, feeling my legs wobble under me, he's ruined me. Piece by piece, it's been 7 years of this now. I don't understand anymore. I just do what I'm told.

Walking to the bathroom, I stare at myself before undressing, the bags under my eyes are too dark. My once brown hair was now close to black, and my sapphire eyes are now faded. My body figures been slammed, way too many times. I know my left hand is broke. So I keep wrapping it in between sessions, where he doesn't notice. It'd only bring him joy. I quickly undress, turn the shower to hot, and hop in. Watching my skin glow bright red as I attempt to scrub off any excess dirt from last round. I lather and rinse my hair, then step out. No conditioner for me. One more for tonight, Alexandra, then it's over. I tell myself. Even a bite of breakfast. I watched myself smile a smile that's no longer mine. Breakfast. I feel a cold tear run down my face, and I quickly wipe it away. Opening the door without getting dressed, I see he's already in the bed, like usual. He smiles as he runs his eyes up and down me, I walk over to him slowly, knowing what's next.

He slaps me. Hard. I can feel the print make it's way up my skin, even over how boiling my skin was already from the shower.

"You did good, only one this time, now do what you do best." He said, his left side of his lip lifting slightly into a smirk. I wanted to punch him. But that would only result in my death. Then again, that'd be better than this every night. He rolls me around, and doesn't let me breath right, I've learned to just hold my breath around him. He goes for a good half hour, before pulling out and slapping me once more. "You useless whore." Then he walks out.

Only then, do I allow myself to roll over and cry.