Your Jade

I'm A Mess.

*Jade's P.O.V*

As soon as I reached Harry's house, I parked my car and rushed to the door. I rung the door bell twice and waited. There was no reply. I knocked on the door and tried again. Still no one came. I rung the bell once more and waited. When there was no reply again, I took out my phone to call him, as I was about to call, the door unlocked, revealing a woman, probably in her mid 30s. Probably the maid "Hello, Miss Averill?" She asked me. "Yes" I replied immediately. "Please come in" she said, I went in and looked around. Harry was no where to be found. "Mr. Styles is in his bedroom.." She spoke once again. I thanked her and she left the house, with that I rushed upstairs to his bedroom.

His bedroom door was unlocked and slightly open, I could already hear him sniffing and his hitching breath. He was crying. I went in and the sight just shattered my heart into prices. He was sitting on the chair beside his bed with his hands placed on his head and elbows on his knees. He was a mess. I quickly rushed to him, kneeled in front of him and took his hands from his head and held them. "Harry" I called out to him. "What have you done? What is going on?" I asked worriedly, I couldn't even look at him in this state. He immediately embraced me in a hug. I was caught off-guard but I realised, when we were younger, he used to hug me as he cried. So I hugged him back. He placed his head in the crook of my neck and cried. My mind was exploding. What has he done to himself? What broke him this much? Was it Tanya? Was it our fake relationship? What was it? I could feel his tears soaking through my dress onto my shoulder. "Harry.. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him softly after a while. "Come sit on the bed" I told him as I left his embrace and held his hands to encourage him to get up. He got up and sat on the bed quietly. I handed him some tissue paper to clean his tears. After a while, he quiet down a little bit, I asked him once again I hope that he would talk. "Do you want to talk about it..?"

He coughed a little. "I.. Miss her.." He said softly. Silence. It was this again. I closed my eyes and shook my head a little bit to shake off the thoughts and focus on helping him. It was her. Again. It was always her. Always. "I.. miss her.. so much." He said. "I want her here with me, by my side." He spoke. My heart was shattered at the sight of him crying, what was there to shatter more? All the other times, I had to fix him, to get over his breakup and move on... This time, I had to help him get her back in order for him to be fixed. My life is completely broken. It's the cold ocean waves in the middle of the night. The dark, dull night. Why could he not understand? I've been right in front of him for years and years. It feels as if I'm a ghost wandering around him, and he can't see me. Tears were starting to form in my eyes as well. But I had to control myself. I cannot let him see me broken down once again. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "Look Harry..." I started. He looked up at me. He was making this even harder. His Jade green eyes pierced into my hazel ones. I looked away from his eyes and continued. "I don't know how am I supposed to help.. You.. With this.." I said honestly. He didn't remove his gaze from me. "I've never experienced someone loving me. I wouldn't know how to help.." I told him softly trying so hard to sound strong. He looked at me for some time before he wiped the rest of the tears from his eyes. "Yeah. I.. Uh..." He started. "Thanks, for coming.. Jade.." He said. This was getting awkward. I could feel it in his voice. "It's alright.." I tried to get the awkwardness flow away. "That's what friends are for right?" I spoke trying to enlighten the mood. Yes. The friends bit pierced a hole in my heart, but I had to plus what was left of my heart anyways? He smiled looking at me. That warmed me a little bit. I smiled back and sighed. "Now it's getting late, get to bed maybe?" I asked him. He listened and laid back in bed. I helped put a blanket over him and sat next to him. He looked up at me.

"Harry?" I called out to him. "Hmm" he replied. "I'm going to go visit mum for the holidays" I told him. "Really?" He smiled widely and his eyes widened. This apparently made him very happy. I was shocked. He got up and sat. "When?" He asked me. "My flight is the day after tomorrow" I replied. "For how long?" He asked now softening his voice. "I got extra days off so total of four weeks" I told him. I think i saw him look sad for a second there. He frowned. Then spoke again. "But you're seeing your mum so it's great" he said. "Yeah" I smiled at him. "What about Brooklyn?" He asked. That got my smile off. "No contact." "Oh" he replied. My brother was the only one missing for Christmas this year just like all the other years. "But it'll be good.." Harry assured me. "I hope." I replied him back. "Now, you have to get back to bed and take some rest". I told him and slightly pushed him back to lay down, he listened to me and laid back down, I placed the blanket over him once again and stayed there for some time. He looked at me, gave me a small smile. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Good night, Harry" i spoke. "Good night, Jade" he replied. With that I got up, about to walk back out as he grabbed my arm, I looked back at him nodding to ask what he wanted. He just leaned forward and kissed my hand. "Thank you for everything, Jade" he said and left my hand. I smiled at him and replied with "Always."

And with that I turned out and my smile disappeared as I went back out. I got in my car and broke down. I couldn't handle this. My life is a complete mess. How am I not able to forget him?!How can I not move on? Why is he always on my mind. I cried and poured out my soul. It was a solid 15 minutes before I finally calmed down a bit, or should i say when there were no more tears to be shed. My mascara was running down wildly and my hair was a mess. I started the car and drove back home.

That night, I couldn't sleep. How much more could a soul bear before it shuts down..? I'm way past the limit, why am I not shutting down.. I suppose he's there to keep me away from shutting down, an engraved mistake on my heart that has shattered me into crushed ice.