Clear

Clear: Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Human Torch

The way I was clutching onto my phone tight wasn't veiling my blatant paranoia, but I was ready to get this phone call over with. Anyone that knew me well knew that I hated having to wait for important conversations; and, of course, I would need to be expecting one on my trek to an emotionally draining destination. Not only was I anxious to get the chat out of the way, I was also adjusting to my new, shorter journey to to that place owned by a thief.

Merely minutes into my walk, the anxiety towering in the distance reversed back to the one vibrating in my hands.

"Hi, mummy," I returned over the line, hoping she would find my tone convincing.

But even through her naturally calm, though often mistaken for tired, voice, she was highly concerned about my current situation.

"Good morning, sweetheart. I love you," she sadly greeted.

"Love you too, mom," I groaned.

I should have known the heat-seeking missile was merely seconds away when she immediately followed with, "You didn't move... did you?"

"Uh... actually I did, mom," I confessed while twisting my nose.

And... here we go.

"No, Ada. What happened to Greta? Good friends fight every now and then. Why don't you move back with her?"

I shook my head, "I can't. She didn't want me to live there anymore."

She panicked, "What? That's not what you said last time. You said you wanted to move on. Why would she kick you out?"

I had to pause and keep it together at the crosswalk, though it felt impossible. "For the same reason Andre cut things off with me months ago."

There was silence on the other side, and I desperately needed her to say something.

Say you're not surprised. Say you're disappointed in me. Something...

"Ada..." I heard her sniffling. "You've always been able to tell me everything. Why are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding, mom. I promise. I just didn't know how to tell you any of it because I am too embarrassed."

"Embarrassed about what? I love you, no matter what; you know I do," she sadly reminded me, and I could imagine the weary look on her face.

"I know you do. But it's hard to talk to anyone when I feel... worthless. Mom, I'm twenty-five. I stupidly moved out into an apartment I might not be able to afford in the long run. I'm an intern because I turned down a full-time job that probably would have made Andre and Greta stay."

"Ada," she muttered.

I scoffed, "I'm serious, mom. My life is far from what I had hoped, and it's because I'm just not as smart as I thought I was."

"Ada, never ever say something like that again," she demanded, though her tone was still so soothing and soft.

And it killed me. A voice that I've known for all of my life tore me apart in the middle of a crosswalk.

"I'm sorry, mom," I sighed, before biting my lower lip to hold back all of the tears that were dying to explode from within me.

Without wasting another second, she said again, "I love you... with all of my heart, Ada."

"I love you too," I exhaled.

"Stay strong, my darling. You've always been so vibrant, full of life, and free. Don't let anybody steal that from you."