Clear

Clear: Chapter 38

Chapter 38: Scotch Tape

Another week slowly floated by, but in those passing days, Ezra and I didn't have much time to spend together. I wanted him– of course– but I kept urging myself to be in the sole company of Chris and Renee at lunch when noon hit.

Many times did I try to blame the lack of enthusiasm on my body's strifes and the gloomy skies. However, I knew that my distancing was an indirect act of avoidance. When we were with each other, it was short-lived. I couldn't handle knowing that there was something behind the distant stare in his eyes that I caught before Ezra realized I said something to him.

When I felt it was appropriate, I would ask him if he was okay.

"Everything is fine."

Lies.

It was the longest I ever held my tongue with him, and I was lucky to have sincere distractions to take up my time whenever I didn't want to think about being shut out. Faith's open daytime schedule benefitted my need to talk to someone outside of work.

My phone was in my hand most times, and when Faith sent me messages, we looked at funny web comics or pictures of cute animals doing cute things. Though, it was unfortunate that the better distractions came in the form of her troubles. Her band's manager didn't take her quitting so well, and tried to hold Faith's temporary instrument contributions hostage.

In the middle of sending Faith another terrible but humorous solution, I received a text from Ezra asking if I wanted to see him.

I didn't respond, but I did make sure to check my queue before venturing to his office.

Before the door closed in full, I huffed, "Why did you ask that question?"

"You've been distant from me," he answered, and he held the same frown I did.

"That's not fair. You know how my brain works."

Ezra threw his head back and stared at the ceiling in defeat.

I neared his desk and went on, "It's a vicious cycle, Ezra. You won't tell me things that I suppose I have no right to know, so I am just trying to deal with it."

"I won't involve you in unimportant matters," he droned.

My cool was gone. "I'm 'distant'? These vague answers that you give are what kill me, Ezra. You had a man spit on you and you still expect me to just let it go."

Ezra was red in the face. It was obvious that he had relived the moment, but, still his answer was unsatisfactory. "Yes, I do."

Exhausted, I shook my head, "Ezra..."

He leveled his head again. "Ada, I just want you to trust that I have everything under control."

"Do you Ezra? Are you sure there nothing that I can do?"

He shook his head, and reminded, "I already told you what I wanted you to do for me, Ada."

I laughed in frustration, "And I'm doing that, Ezra. I'm being myself– worrying about you and wondering why you have been emotionally drifting from me."

"I'm not drifting."

Are you serious?

I sighed, "Your mind is somewhere else half the time. We don't live in a world with no problems, you know this."

"You and I have no problems."

My fists shook from frustration. "Yes, we do, because there is more to us than just you and me. There's factors like family... a part of you that you seem to refuse to speak of."