Levi x reader. Dream

Strange

Could that be a dream too? Had levi and I taken actual comfort in each other's company? I would have never expected that of him. It's not like he's my superior anymore but he had more will more i don't know, inspiration. He just seemed much more important. he had something over him that was too bright, he was almost angelic something celestial about him. He's not the "silent hero" type that every thinks he is. I could grasp the concept of how much purpose he had. I lay on my bed staring to the ceiling, contemplating my entire existence, the entire human race. Was it our destiny to perish at the hands of these monstrous beast? It can't be. No matter how meaningless I think my life is I'm not going to throw it away again. My command squad showed me that, by saving me when I had given up. Should i consider them friends?

As I could no longer sleep, with thoughts like this it's hard to imagine sleep, especially with dreams like mine. No meaning, only terrifying. If I could figure them out i think i would try in a heartbeat. I want them gone. I can't be sleep deprived if i want to live on.

It's only been a week since the last expedition but we have heard news of a another, On our last expedition Erwin had spotted a person outside the walls, Way outside the walls. He believes that there may be another civilization, Of course it was big news but, in order for the entire population of humanity as we know now to not go utterly insane then maybe it would be better to keep it to the squad leaders. We knew we had to go further out which would take many more hours to reach the destination, we knew that but we decided it was a small sacrifice for the gain of mankind. though in this expedition we weren't taking titan boy, I argued maybe he would save us in a tight situation... I was proved wrong though, we knew almost nothing about him, he can barely fight with or control it. We prepare in a few days. There is much preparation that needs to be done, There must be enough food and the horses need to be in perfect condition. This time we're only taking our most exceptional soldiers.

The commanders of the survey corps trained for many hours after dark, needing to be the best we could for this operation. we can't have as many casualties as last time, too many soldiers lives are taken each time we go out of that wall. I refuse to be one of them again, I won't burden my team, I will create a meaningful destiny for my friends.

As the days went by of continuous training, There was awkward air between me and Levi. We talked more about personal stuff and not just tactics, war, titan, and other stuff.We shared our idea on philosophies religion and more intelligent stuff, I don't know, maybe he did just want to get closer. Now we sat at the pond we discovered in the forest a few days back, looking into the water. Maybe we'll find something, something meaningful, not like an object of some sort, but maybe we'll find the right thing to do with a clear mind and peaceful environment.

"you know most of us aren't going to make it right?" he spoke softly but truthfully, letting me know that things can't be perfect and things aren't ever going to be perfect, the truth was pain. He kept on speaking, "It's never going to get easier (y/n), us out of all people need to know this. It gets harder, It gets demanding, and there are decisions that sometimes, you just can't make."

"I know this Levi, Ive made countless decisions that only screwed me up, It's never been easy, What make you think that I would be that ignorant to what's happening?" I say, keeping my cool, speaking softly when i just wanted to feel someone who cared for me.

He stood near the pond with his hand weirdly positioned in his belt loops. I hopped down from the small branch I leaned on and embraced his slightly shorter stature, "It's strange you know? The way this works. The way we chose weather we can survive or not... I don't want to live but I keep choosing to. It's one of those decisions that screw you up, because, you know what's happening. How can one person be so aware?" His arms slowly made contact with my back, I can tell he's never been in this situation before. "Sorry Levi, haha, I guess i'm not really that great!" I laughed it off and let go of the hold. He looked at me with a completely different face, Like, a lot of emotion just poured out of his normally stoic face.

c'mon, (y/n) your not as dumb as you think, you're probably the most Interesting person in this god forbidden shit hole, your entusiasticness of intelligents excites Hanji who I didn't think could get any more insane..." He kind of trailed off. We stood in front of each other and just kind of stared into eachothers eyes.

"you're not good at this are you?" I laughed and He just clicked his tongue and a smirk, seemingly out of place, was there. "hey let's go back there's still daylight left for training, we leave in two days... " I said letting my words fail to come out any further, there is still much i want to tell him, not necessarily about anything but his presence was comforting.

It wasn't a dream after all, Levi did actually come talk to me that night, he never brought it up and what about when I told him about my dream? He shrugged it off like i've told him a million times and it's just useless information by now. I guess you can't expect a guy like him to be the most comforting soul ever!