Consumed

Pumpkins and Unreadable Emotions

" damn... Fucking, stupid... As-SHIT! I mumbled a string of cuss words under my breath. My carving utensil broke into two in my hands. I was in the process of trying to cut a circle in the top of my pumpkin. It was a perfect pumpkin, when I stopped at the farmers market, I wouldn't set for anything less , then this perfect pumpkin here. Of course I got a couple more.

I stopped for a moment. Something hit me, a wave of sadness, remembering memories of me and my parents carving our pumpkins.... It's when things were simple, when there was love.

Before I knew it, I was up off my feet, and my shaky hands were grabbing my front door. I walked in, my face was pale, and I thought I might just throw up. I pushed the lump in my throat back. I wrapped my small hand around the long handle of the French doors to my mothers office. I pushed it down and gliding In, not daring to look up from my fuzzy slippers.

"Lux? Yes my dear," I heard her sharp cold voice break threw me. I stumbled with my words, regretting stepping foot near this damned place.

"Uh, hi... Mo-ma'am, um I just was wondering if-um." I looked up while trying to get the words that were tied in the back of my throat out, and I wish I hadn't. She looked up at me with a disappointed, tired look. "Spit it out now, you know I'm busy." She sighed and looked back at her paper work and started writing again.

I cleared my throat, I'm just gonna say it.
" I just wanted to know if you wanted to you know, carve some pumpkins with me? Like the old days?" I looked up, my hands started shaking again, and my face was tinted with red, I felt the heat of them. She looked looked up, eyes wide with guilt. But it all changed so fast, I don't think I saw it right.

She looked at me again, this time with a annoyed look... My stomach dropped. "I wish I could sit around and carve funny faces into a damn pumpkin, and relax!" Her eyes were fuming, her light cold green eyes, turning dark "You don't understand how hard your father and I work to support this family. Why don't you go get a fucking job and support your own half lux? Do something instead of slicing your wrist and wasting away." She mumbled the last part, mostly to her self, but it affected me more.

Why'd I have to go in there and hurt myself I knew the outcome. I knew I was not locked anymore by her and my father. I don't know what happened though. I used to be loved, they used to want me. And then everything changed, with flick of a finger, my days grew dark, and you can only imagine how night was. What's wrong with me? What could I have done for them to be like this, to hate there own flesh and blood.

I didn't cry, I couldn't. I didn't care anymore, that was my last ounce of hope I had left for her. My father was long gone, no saving him. He doesn't even talk to my my mother, let alone his disgrace of a child.

I went to the bathroom, my wrist throbbing for some contact of the cold metal. I held it to my skin.... But I couldn't. I wanted t so bad, but why couldn't I do it. I put it back and called Chaz. I was crying now, I was scared.

"Hello?" The phone did nothing for his velvety voice, but I would take it. It was still perfection in a sound. "Cha-z" my voice broke as I whimpered his name.

"I'll be over, hold on." I didn't want to be here no more, I couldn't stay in this house. "No, no. I'll come to you." I looked down at my battle scars. "Alright... Are you sure, it's no trouble love." My Harry fluttered and warmed my tummy. "No, I just need you. I see you in a bit."

He sent me his address. I took my essentials for the day and got in my jeep as fast as I could. I was about to back out when I seen my 3 lonely pumpkins on the floor of the wooden porch. I got out picked them up, own by one. And put them in the back hatch.

When I got to Chaz'es, he met me at the bottom of his apartments. I ran to him, throwing my sled with much force around him. I sobbed quietly into his neck, my arms under his fisting his white shirt in the back he held one hand around my waist, and one my head. His lips pressed soft kisses to my hair, and we sat there. Him holding me, not saying a word, just little "ssshhhss" to help soothe me. They helped, but only because it was him. When j was done with my tantrum, I grabbed the pumpkins, he helped me cart them up the steps to his place. I had two, but me grabbed one from me on the way up. I dorm get a chance to look at his place, because we went straight out to the back porch, it connected to the kitchen and his room. It was big and cozy looking. With some nice chairs and a coffee table.it was wooden and the apartment above his blocked the pitch, so if it rained, it deck would be safe. He had glass windows on the brick railing, and you could open them wide, like they were now. Drapes and curtains hung from the inside. He had a white for rug, and I was in love. I set my pumpkin down, and looked in awe. I turned to the dark haired boy next to me. I was about to complement the place, but I got side tracked by his appeal. Nothing new or extravagant, just beautiful. He had grey lose sweat pants and I whit shirt that fit to his formed chest. He had a black stain on his right shoulder, that I soon relished was my mascara.