13 reasons why...

Chapter 2

The boys and I all turned to see Louis' eyes in complete and utter shock. "Louis... You were one interesting boy. You ruined my life in some ways and you made my life amazing. I realized that I never would have changed anything about our time together but then again why I am here is because I want to share all the things that run through my mind when I think of you. I think of that funky, spontaneous boy who singing broadway tunes, how we got our first tatooes together. These are the good moments I will never forget. Then again there were the bad moments. The ones where you would constantly put me down, ditch me, all those dirty pranks were not appreciated. You all thought those were funny didn't you? But in mind, they were evil and cruel. Louis Tomlinson, lets share that story of yours. That one thing that pushed me over the edge. From the. On I would never turn back. That one day when we were all at Mel's diner. You guys were seen by fans. Everyone had gotten up to sign autographs but you, you stayed. Right by my side. I saw this as such a kind gesture but only god knew what you were planning in the little head of yours. We started conversating about the odds of how the fans had tracked them down this time, when all of a sudden the order of all our food had come. I had ordered a hamburger with frys and a peanut butter and chocolate milkshake. My eyes had widened when I saw the food. I had been craving this. My nostrils smelt the warm food and my mouth began to water. I started to dig in not giving a second thought when all of a sudden I heard you mutter fat ass." Louis POV) My stomach had twirled. Is this what this was all about? Because I jokingly called her fat? I turned my face upward to meet the rest of the boys gazes. All the boys were giving disappointed looks but Harry... If looks could kill. I quickly turned my head away not bearing to endure the look that my best mate gave me. I listened to Amy's voice continue on. "In that moment was when my eating disorder started. That one little comment changed everything. I remember taking a couple more bites and just pushing my plate away because I couldn't stand the thought of my boyfriends bestfriend calling me fat. If he thought I was fat then what would my own boyfriend actually think of me? The day after that was when I decided I wanted to lose weight. I started a diet. At first I encouraged my self to lose weight but then Ana did. Anorexia came but never left. It was a voice that was constantly in my head saying 'don't eat. Your too fat' and 'you need to get off your fat ass and excorcise more' The saddest part was no one else had noticed the excessive weight that I had lost. I was slowly killing myself at the age of 18. So louis tomlinson. This silence is for you. The silence that I felt every evening when my stomach was rumbling. The silence that followed after you had called my a fat ads. The silence that will happen when I commit the s word, because no one will be there to stop me. So Louis Tomlinson. Thankyou for telling the truth about how fat I was. You know I takes a second to call a girl fat but a lifetime starving." There was complete silence and that was the beginning of the tapes but the ending of the first.