I woke up to a knock at my door. I moaned as I sat up rubbing my puffy eyes. My head was pounding from all the crying. The door opened revealing Tara with a small smile.
"Hey babygirl" she said sitting on my bed. I smiled and waved at her. Tara has been my best friend since 2nd grade. I knew I looked a mess, puffy crusty eyes and messy hair, but it was easy with Tara just as it was with Tyler.
The thought of Tyler brought the tears back. My attempt to hold them in failed as hot tears rolled down my face. Every morning since his death I'd wake up and realize he really was gone.
"No no, come here come" Tara said patting her lap. I crawled over and wrapped my self in my blanket and rested my head on her lap.
" I know baby, I know. But everything is going to be fine. I promise you" she comfort me while rubbing my arm.
Out of no where my stomach started turning and I felt bile rising in my throat. "Oh god" I shot up running to the bathroom. Barely making it, I threw up on and in the toilet. I could hear Tara saying something about getting to go get some real food, instead of the junk I ate. When I finished, I cleaned up my mess and Tara placed a cold towel on my head.
"Come on please come with me." I stood up and nodded making my way to get dressed
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We sat down in the booth and ordered our food handing back our menus to our waitress Ruby. I got a burger with fries and a vanilla shake while Tara got chicken and waffles. After the waitress brought our water and left Tara finally spoke.
"How are you doing?"she asked concern in my eyes. After my parents death, I became suicidal. I cut, I didn't eat, barely spoke, did drugs and alcohol, and after I cut too deep, was sent to a rehab facility for 2 months. There I met Tyler, he was dealing with trauma after being in the military for the first time. We saved each other more than the facility could save us. At the thought of him, my eyes watered and I sucked them back in but one tear escaped. Tara grabbed my hand and rubbed it which only made holding them in harder.
"No I'm not suicidal as I was with my parents. I've been really tempted so all I do is cry. It's just-, I know-" I stopped because my voice shaking and my eyes puddled.
"I know that if I do, he isn't here to bring me out of it like before." I said allowing the tears to fall. Tara got up and sat next to me. She wrapped her arms around me which made me cry harder. I didn't care if people looked. I lost Tyler, and that was all I cared about right now. I had no one left, no one but Tara, and even now, Tara didn't know what to do with me just as I didn't know what to do with myself.
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After Tara paid the bill, we went for a walk on the boardwalk. Hand in hand we walked and eventually sat down in a bench.
" You know, since his death, I'd have dreams of him still being alive. Me and him together in this perfect life we planned, and then I'd wake up, and be in this world, without him, and every. Single. Morning. I wake up and feel this heartbreak close to the one I felt when they called me to tell me they found my Tyler, dead, with nothing but one arm and one leg-" I stopped. I couldn't cry again, I wouldn't. Taking a deep breath in I continued. "I lost my mom, I lost my dad, my sister won't even come back home, and now, I lost Tyler. The one thing in my life that made me feel perfect. Now I have nothing and no one. No one but you. And I love you so so so much so please dont take this the wrong way, but you aren't enough. I need Tyler and I don't know what to do." Tears dripped down my face and I looked at Tara, she was crying to and she wrapped her arms around me.
"I know. I can never take your parents spot, and I could never take Tyler's, but please don't treat yourself like shit because of this. You still have a life, and if I lose you, then I will feel like how you feel and I know you don't want that, just as Tyler doesn't want this for you now" she said wiping away her tears. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back holding her tight like she could slip through my fingers any second. "I promise you I'll never leave your side, and we will get through this together. Okay?" She asked. I nodded my head wiping my eyes.
After we separated, I felt my stomach turn. No, not again. I got up and ran to the trash can that was close by, I made it in time before emptying my stomach into the plastic bag. Tara came up behind me rubbing my back until I finshed. She handed me a napkin and a bottle of water to wash my mouth out.
" I probably ate too much, not eating a meal like that in these past almost 2 weeks threw my stomach off." Tara only just looked at me nodding her head with a look in her eye I took as denial.
"What?" I asked curious as to why she looked at me like that. "How often have you been throwing up?" She asked. I thought about it before telling her 4 days.
"Did you and Tyler have sex before he left?"
"Yes...what are you getting -" then I realized. Tara thought I was pregnant. "Oh no no no, that's not possible. We used protection, we always do."
"Yeah, but sometimes it doesn't work. I mean unless you have the flu or something, I don't think you would be feeling as sick as you do. It may seem absurd to you, but it's reasonable."
No, I can't be pregnant. I can't be a mother. Not when the father is gone. The though made me feel sick, and I threw up once more into the garbage can. I started to feel dizzy so I sat back down.
"I'll be right back." Tara said running to the end of the boardwalk.
10 minutes later when she returned she had a plastic bag in her hand. " Let's go" she said grabbing my hand and lead me home.
YOU ARE READING
Heaven's Cry
RomanceWhen Lyla finds out her boyfriend died at war, she can barely control herself and her emotions. With both of her parents gone after their car crash last year and now Tyler, Lyla feels alone in the world... That is until she finds out she is pregnant...
