You're my moon

1

"You think I'm happy? I've lost everything. Tim moved to LA, Bing is in New York,Tom shut me out, our high school friends have families and don't have time for that pretentious internet guy, Bertie and Sammy are to wrapped up with each other's films, and you don't give me the time of day anymore. You think just because you have a girlfriend I don't matter. That I'll move on. 'Popular Jack and his friends' Do you know what I've gone through without you. I relapsed, Dean. I'm a mess. Sorry I only matter when we are working on YouTube." Jack was rambling his face was red his voice was strained and he was doing everything possible to avoid crying.

"What about me, Jack? What about me? Do you know the hell I've gone through. I'm the fatter uglier one, everyone says so. You used to defend me. Whenever I would cry or start to believe them you'd say I was crazy and that I'm as important as you and you'd always be there. Fat load of good you did the second we became more popular you left, you're new best friends Tim and Ben were more important. Excuse me for distancing myself. Fuck you Jack Howard! Do you remember high school, I was in love with you, and you said we could be together after we graduated. But no, you stopped loving me once you figured out everyone else loved you. So yeah I have a girlfriend. And I didn't relapse jack, for the first time since I was 15 I'm clean. I got away from the mess you left for me and I'm happy. I will always miss you, but you have to understand our friendship is toxic and we both keep getting hurt." Dean didn't try to not cry, he knew it wouldn't work. His eyes were red.

"I understand it, but it doesn't mean I will ever stop trying to be your friend. I'm no good without you. And I know it would be incredibly selfish for me to ask you to forgive me and be my friend again, but please let me be selfish. I need you." Jack was crying now and he didn't care that his flatmates could here he was desperate.

"Jack, I love you. I love you so much, but I can't do this to myself, I don't think that we can be friends anymore. It's been a good nine years but we're different people than we were at 14. I think the videos need to end." Dean walked out of Jacks room wiped his eyes and exited Jacks flat.

Jack sobbed in his room, wishing he could turn back time, wishing he could go back to high school, wishing he had the balls to say 'I love you too'

•*•*•*•

Daniel and Ciaran knew they shouldn't listen to Jacks conversation, but they couldn't help it. They heard shouting and wanted to make sure everything was ok.

"Poor Jack," Dan said to Ciaran as their friend sobbed one room over.

"Dan look at this" on Ciarans phone Deans newest tweet was out.

Dean Dobbs: I'm quitting YouTube I love you all but I can't continue. Stay groovy

•*•*•*•

Jack hated Twitter. It had been four days since the fight. It had taken Jack two days to leave his room. He had about 400 tweets asking about Dean. He replied to none of them. Dean deleted his Twitter.

The only contact from Dean Jack got was a text message:

The only reason I started YouTube was because of you. The only reason I wanted to go online instead of to Hollywood is because you said that's what we should do with the 'behind the scenes' of country Kyle. This has all been because of you. I can't continue on something that isn't mine. This is your thing I'll get a retail job or something. You can explain to the fans if you want but it's fine if you don't need to. Move on, forget about me. I barely used my channel anyways.

And Jack replied:

Don't do this, I need you.

He never got a response.

He stared bitterly at his cereal. He didn't want to eat, he wouldn't have gotten out of bed if it weren't for Dan insisting he showered.

"Will you just eat, we're worried about you."

Jack moaned but ate his corn flakes, figuring it was easier than arguing. His phone was vibrating, but it had been a lot recently another friend checking in, but what could he say? 'I fucked everything and now I regret everything I've ever done because I broke the guy who made me realize I was gay's heart' he checked his phone it was Tim. He immediately looked to see the message.

Tim: hey I'm sorry we haven't kept in touch lately, but you know you can always talk to me right? I saw the stuff with Dean I'm worried about you

Jack: hey man, how's LA? Stuff with Dean is terrible, would you mind talking soon

Jack left Daniel alone in the kitchen to take Tims call.

"Hey man, what happened?"

"Tim hey! Me and Dean got in a fight, he called the friendship toxic and quit. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Ok start from the beginning, tell me everything"

And Jack told him everything, he started with falling in love with Dean as a kid and then finding out his family was homophobic and being to afraid even after graduation to be with Dean. He talked about how he tried to avoid his feelings for Dean and accidentally pushed him out. And deans girlfriend and the self harm. Then the fight and that he found out that he hurt Dean. To Dean quitting and telling Jack to move on.

"Jack, do you still love him?"

"I do"