The Death of Me

Chapter 8

I have no idea how long I laid there, weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't breathe and my head began to hurt amazingly. I turned towards Phantom who seemed like he didn't quite understand what I was doing. Yet, at the same time he also seemed to show sadness. I wept in that spot for hours at least, and wailed so loudly if anyone had been outside they might have heard me. I cried and screaming and thrashed until my bones ached and a long stream of salty tears were all along my cheeks. After my tantrum was finished I laid on my back and looked at the ceiling. I was so numb. My heart felt almost exactly like it was being squeezed by a hand. Or like I had been kicked in the chest. I tried to think about this in a happy light. Now I wouldn't have to feed him.... Yet that just made me begin to cry again. How could I think like that? I would labor everyday for the rest of my life if it meant I could make that old horse immortal. Phantom had gotten bored and walked away, but I didn't care. At that moment I cared about no one. No one except for my Patches. Tears swelled again. And reality hit me like bricks. I couldn't leave him here, couldn't live him to rot in some random co-op store. I would never allow that. I had to give him a funeral. Yet, how would I do that? It would take years to dig a big enough hole for him. Also I didn't have enough food to last me but a few more days here. I would have to do something honorable, yet easy. Yet it would have to be difficult. If it wasn't difficult it wasn't rightfully honorable for Patches.

My mind and heart battled all day. My mind told me to get a grip and accept the inevitable reality that is death and time. Then my heart... my heart told me he was still here, and if I just went to check on him again he would be fine. The most horrible thing about this was that my mind kept assuring me it was my fault. Telling me I should have seen it coming and tried to do something. But what could I have done? Nothing. Things happen for a reason and now I should move on. Maybe now I could just ride Phantom to were I wanted to go. Yet that would probably take longer than just using the trailer. Now that this subject came to my mind I realized I hadn't thought much about what I was going to do. Meaning with myself. I suppose I could move to a warmer climate and live out my days with a farm... Yet, I was used to warm climates. Living in Florida all my life made me hate palm trees. Maybe Canada? I'd never been to a different country. Perhaps that's what I'll do.

My train of thought was broken when Phantom came back to the aisle and sniffed me to make sure I was alive. I sighed very heavily and it felt like I would cry again, I looked to were Patches laid and
I knew he deserved better than this. I thought for a moment about any kind of funeral that would be honorable. Then it hit me. A viking's funeral. It would be simple enough and sorta easy while also being right for Patches. All I would have to do is place a large sum of branches and logs all around and on top of him and then let it blaze like nothing else. It would have to be huge of course. I thought about just setting the store on fire, but it would be too easy. And I needed to work for Patches. His funeral had to be personal and beautiful as well. I began as soon as I was able to stand. I kept telling myself I was building a signal fire so that way I would keep myself from breaking down again. Yet in the back of my mind I knew. I knew that I would never have my bestfriend back and it hard for me to do anything when I thought about it. And at the same time I knew I had to be strong. I had to. Not only for Patches, but for myself. I had to be a strong person because I could very well be the last. That thought also brought on dark emotions. Somewhere in my mind I told myself it was all a dream; that nothing was real here and soon I would wake up to my parents. I kept telling myself everything was temporary. In a way, it really was kinda temporary. There was no final destination for me in this new world. This world where only animals and myself existed. No human activity; and yet, this was nice. I liked being alone. Even though I knew it would grow tiresome. Soon I would need someone to talk to. Someone to share my feelings with, especially now that...

Anyways. It was time to move on. Be strong. Be dignified. Do not forget who you are and where you came from. Don't forget your name. My name is.... Is Rose! Ugh. How did I hesitate to think of my own name? I had no clue why, yet it seemed obvious. The only name I could think of right now was Patches. I am so weak. His death will tear me in half. It will break me. Inside I knew. I knew there was no way I would make it through all of this unscathed. Yet, the death of my bestfriend was the most heartbreaking thing I had yet experienced. Well... Maybe the most heartbreaking thing to happen to me, and for me to personally experience. But not for me to witness. I remember in school, a young girl named Amber was the school cheerleader. Beautiful; blonde. She was everything, I used to walk by her in the hallways and her crystal blue eyes would meet mine. She was so incredibly beautiful. I always loved to see her. And she was always smiling and making other people smile. I remember the day. The day one of her many friends ran into the halls wailing and screaming that she had died. Killed her self. Hung herself by the neck in her parent's backyard. No one. And I mean no one. Had suspected such a thing from her. She had such a bright future. We all knew that; and then she was gone. I cried all that night. I knew nothing of her, and yet that night the tears were flowing faster than I'd like to admit.