words // phan au

1

(a/n) ahh I'm so excited for people to start reading this! I hope everyone likes it. If you enjoyed this, I have a Oneshot collection in which I wrote some fluffy Phan drawl, so you should check it out! See you all soon!

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Alleviate
(verb) to lessen the unpleasant effects of something.

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Phil sat in his chair. Hands together. Head down. He shuffled and inhaled, feeling the sharp air hit the flesh inside his nose and throat. His mind buzzed.

Agitated
(adj) feeling or appearing troubled or nervous.

Apprehensive
(adj) anxious or fearful that something bad will happen.

Neurotic
(adj) suffering from anxiousness or mental incapacity.

His teacher was droning on about something pertaining to France and the abundance of kings named Louis, and Phil tried to listen. He always tried. It never worked. Something about the way his teacher's voice resonated and altered in the air made Phil physically uncomfortable. His peripheral vision was blurred and his ears were softly ringing, increasing in volume as the lesson progressed. He ducked his head down further in an attempt to hide from the stares he knew he was receiving.  

They were always staring.

He fidgeted and heard a laugh, louder than all the ringing, directed towards him. He turned and glanced at the back of the classroom, where he saw no one laughing and many people staring. His face burned with embarrassment as he whipped his head back down. He could feel his ears begin to heat up as he racked his brain to figure out if the sound originated from a student in the classroom or from his own messed up head.

He sighed before giving up. He would never be able to tell.

Hallucinate
(verb) to experience a seemingly real perception of something not actually present, typically as a result of a mental disorder or of taking drugs.

Phil's could feel goosebumps developing on the surface of his skin.

Conceal
(verb) to keep something a secret from others, usually out of shame or worry.

The ringing hadn't stopped, just grew increasingly louder as he covered his ears and placed his head on his desk.

Suppress
(verb) to stop information from being published or publicly displayed.

He felt as though he had just ran a marathon; muscles aching and sweat coating the back of his neck. He could feel the shame rising around him and whispering in his ear.

You can't even be normal for one class period.

They're all looking at you.

How do you live with yourself?

Tears stung Phil's eyes. The ringing had grown so loud that he was surprised that no one could hear the vibrations bouncing within his skull. He withdrew one hand from his head to reach down into his backpack. His fingers searched and searched until they fell upon a worn paperback, which he clasped in his hands and pulled onto the desk. The book was so old and torn that one might not have been able to tell what it was from the outside, but the second Phil flipped to the bookmarked page, it was clear that what he was holding was a dictionary.

Phil studied those pages as if they were the answers to life itself. The margins were littered with his sloppy cursive, with some spots completely void of pen and others written over three or four times. He could feel his pulse immediately start to slow, and his mind begin to settle. The unexplained voices that whispered louder than the ringing were drowned out as the words in Phil's book became tangible and swept them away. He wiped his eyes and exhaled.