words // phan au

4

a/n: lowkey updating at 11:23 pm. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, I thought I was gonna go in a different direction but then I made a U-turn and fucked up my plan for the next chapter. Oops... We'll see how I clean it up.
Also go follow thephanwriter because I said so. Okay adios!

~

Duende
(noun) the power to attract through personal charm.

~

In the coming weeks, Phil came to find that the word "later" meant something much different than what he thought it did.

Dan confused Phil. He had come seemingly from no where, breaking down the door into Phil's subconscious and settling there as if it was his home. As if he had been there all along. As if Phil had room for him to be there.

This boy, no matter how improbable, existed in Phil's life. Sometimes, Phil remained awake at night, laying with his back to the sheets and wondering if maybe, just maybe, he had conjured him up in his head. If Phil made noise appear out of nowhere and saw things that no one else could, then who was he to judge whether or not Dan actually existed?

Dan Howell could have very well been a mere side effect of a disease that tortured Phil every day of his life.

But then, every morning, Phil sat in his English class and Dan would waltz in, laughing and talking to students around him, sit himself down in the desk directly behind Phil and get to work, writing down everything the teacher said. He never looked at Phil. He never said hello or shot him a smile. It was in those moments that Phil was sure.

Dan was real.

Over the course of the next month, Phil started to get to know Dan. Even though it seemed like Dan refused to acknowledge that he existed, Phil would have been lying if he said that he didn't pay attention whenever Dan was around. It wasn't as if Phil was a stalker or he didn't have anything else to do. Phil had enough of his own problems to deal with. Dan was just simply someone that walked into a room and stole all the focus.

Dan Howell only wore black. He straightened his hair. He sat up straight and walked with purpose. He spoke clearly. He caught colds easily. He made friends surprisingly quick. Phil had never seen Dan alone, vacated by his locker or in between classes. There was always someone next to him, laughing and smiling. He didn't just fit in with one group either. He would walk to English with the jocks and leave with the theater kids. He never ate at the same lunch table two days in a row, and he always left the school later than everyone else because someone always managed to ask him to help them out with a club or activity. Even the loners, the outsiders, the kids who smiled at no one, seemed to take a shining to Dan Howell.

Phil tried not to be jealous, but he was a kid who was too focused on blending in and avoiding fights to make friends, and seeing someone adapt so easily to their surroundings was sort of hard.

Dan wasn't only popular, but he was kind. He helped kids with their homework and always had a pack of gum. He wasn't one to agree with people for the sake of agreeing. He wasn't afraid to correct teachers. He challenged others when he felt they were being unreasonable, and he did it without hurting anyone or starting any fights.

He wrote his own rules without breaking others. He lived life without fear of being rejected or ignored, and because of it, he never was. He never got frustrated. He never yelled. The only time Phil had ever seen Dan get angry was when he stood up to Chris back all those weeks ago.