Vacation

Chapter Seven

Allison opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep in the corner of the room. From the window, she could see the calm gray morning light and the peaceful sounds of birds chirping. She had slept from yesterday afternoon to this morning. She figured it was very early in the morning, because Lily was still asleep in the bed, and Lily always woke up early.

Allison went downstairs. She got herself a bowl and put some cereal in it, and then poured milk into it. She got a spoon and then sat down at the kitchen table.

She finished her cereal without realizing it. She was too caught up in her own thoughts to be distracted by reality. Up until yesterday afternoon, her vacation was going perfectly. It was going even better than she had imagined it would. She got to visit Florida, she had received great advice from Patty, and she had met Josh, who seemed very nice. It had seemed like her bullying problems had disappeared.

But the negativity was not confined to just Washington. To Allison's great dismay, it existed in Florida as well. It existed everywhere, with no escape. The only solution was to be so confident in yourself that the negativity didn't affect you.

But Allison didn't know how to do that. Believing in yourself was an idea that seemed so far fetched because she had spent her entire life believing who everyone else told her she was. She didn't want the world to determine who she was and what she thought about herself. She wanted to make those decisions on her own--because those were her decisions to make.

Allison stood up from the table and put her bowl and spoon in the sink. This idea about your own opinion of yourself being purely your own wouldn't leave her mind. It was like a song that got stuck in her head, but instead, it was words that added up to an idea. She decided she needed to visit the person who had planted the idea in her head in the first place.

Allison left the hotel, walked across the street, and entered the restaurant. She spotted Patty.

"Patty," she said weakly. She hadn't spoken since yesterday afternoon. Her voice was so strained from crying. "I need your help."

"I know," Patty said softly. "Josh already told me."

"I just...I can't seem to do it! Believing in myself is impossible for someone like me," Allison cried. "I get too caught up in other people's opinions of me."

"But you don't have to be like that," Patty said. "Change the process of your thoughts. Instead of thinking, oh, they're making fun of me. I must be a failure, think, oh, they're making fun of me. But it doesn't matter, because I believe that I can do this."

"I tried," Allison said. "I tried to think like that. But I kept getting distracted by the people making fun of me and laughing at me."

"Believing in yourself when you haven't for a long time isn't just going to take a few days," Patty explained. "It's a process, but it will only get better from here."

Allison thought about it for a moment. "Okay, I guess. I'll keep trying."

Patty smiled. "Good. Now back to our project...where did we leave off? I think we covered pretty much everything on your list of mean things people said to you: shy, worthless, ugly, and stupid. So what would you do if you went back to school and somebody called you one of those names?"

"Before this, I would've probably been really upset and accepted it as the truth," Allison said. "But now, I wouldn't believe it, because I know better."

"That's right," Patty nodded. "What would you say to them?"

"I don't know," Allison said. "Nothing?"

"What about standing up for yourself?"

"No," Allison said. "I'm too--" she stopped herself before she said "shy."

"Why not?" Patty asked. "If you stand up for yourself, it may stop the bullies from bullying you, and could stop them from bullying other people."

"Hmm," Allison said. She had never thought that she could stop them from bullying other people.

"Remember what I told you the first day you visited me?" Patty asked. "'As long as at least one person believes in you, even if that person is you, you can accomplish anything.' That means that not only can you not be affected by the bullying as much, you can also prevent it from happening to other people. So please--believe in yourself. Even if you're the only one. Because some day, people will start to see the real you, and how you believed in yourself through tough times, stood up for yourself, and prevented other people from being bullied."

"Wow," Allison whispered. She never knew something that seemed so small and insignificant as believing in yourself could have such a great impact.

Allison heard someone walk through the doors of the restaurant. She turned around and saw that it was Josh. He ran up to the table that she and Patty were at.

"I thought I'd find you here," he said. He face was red and he was out of breath. "I knocked on the door of your hotel room, but your parents said you weren't there."

Allison didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," Josh said. "I didn't mean those things that I said. I was just frustrated. You had been working so hard to believe in yourself, and it didn't work, and...I'm sorry for laughing at you, too. I can see why you were upset."

Allison stayed silent. She didn't know what to think, much less what to say.

"I hope you will forgive me," Josh said, sitting down next to her.

Allison thought about it. Josh seemed like he was sincere.

"Okay," Allison said. "I forgive you."

"Great," Josh smiled, "because there's another beach volleyball game tomorrow, and--"

"No," Allison said. "I'm not playing. I'm not good at volleyball. Or any sport, really."

"Come on," Josh said. "You have to play. It's my last game! It would be so much fun. We'd get to hang out and play volleyball."

"No. People would just laugh at me and make fun of me like last time," Allison said.

"I promise I won't laugh at you," Josh said. "You have my word."

"Maybe if you believed in yourself, you'd do good," Patty winked at Allison.

Allison sighed. She knew she wasn't good at sports, but she wanted to hang out with Josh. She also wanted to try again on her serve. She vowed to believe in herself this time.

"Fine," Allison said. "I'll play."

She hoped that this time, she'd have the courage to get her serve right. She knew what she had to do: believe in herself.