Crushed

-4-

         "Paige!" a cheery voice calls and although most people would find it sweet and inviting, it only sends chills down my spine.

I freeze on my spot, trying to get as small as I can, my shoulders rounding and I even close my eyes for a second, hoping that like that I'll blend with the walls and she won't see me. Of course, that does not work.

It never does.

"Are you leaving without saying goodbye?" Diana asks next, so close that my guts twist and my hands start shaking. Then I feel it, her arm around my shoulders and her pull that drags me to her side. I shut my eyes even tighter, screaming in my head because I know what will come next. It's always the same. "How cruel of you. Why are you always like this? Sneaking out without anyone noticing."

I don't reply. I can't do that, I'm too traumatised and scared to do anything. And why would I try? It makes no difference. The more I beg them to leave me alone, the worse it gets. If I look at someone for help they only look away and keep walking.

"Don't tell me it's because you don't like us. Why? I thought we were friends," another voice says, one of Diana's lackeys.

"That's impossible! Not when we like you so much, Paige. In fact," Diana continues, "We even have a surprise for you today."

I shiver again, because their surprises are never good. I just pray I won't end up badly injured and that I can cover any bruise so Mum will not realise something happened again.

"Come with us!" they cheer together.

If I try to fight or run way it only ends up in the guys that always follow Diana to drag me down. I made the mistake once and it was even more humiliating. So I let them lead me wherever they'll punish me for breathing and have fun doing that. If I don't fight them back then it ends sooner. That's all I have left.

"I bet you'll like this! We found the perfect place for you and we're throwing a party!" Diana explains, although that's probably the contrary. She most likely found a very public place where she'll humiliate me as everyone watches and laughs at me. To be honest, there's no dignity left in me, whatever they do now can't be worse than what they've done.

Of course, my mistake is underestimating them.

Before I'm even conscious of what's going on, I'm pushed somewhere dark and small, then the door is closed behind me. As a gasp escapes me, I can also hear the door being locked. I turn around, uselessly trying to open the door when I know it won't budge. I can't hear the snickering at the other side, telling me they are still there.

One quick look around makes me realise I've been locked in the janitor's closet.

"Let me out," I beg. No one is actually seeing me here, there's no real humiliation. They've never done this before. This doesn't make sense. "Please!"

"But it's a party for you! We can't let you out yet. Don't be rude, Paige. The things inside have been waiting for you!" Diana says from the other side, laughing after her words as I keep knocking at the door.

"Please, let me out!" I ask again, starting to feel desperate.

I don't like small places because they make me feel a bit claustrophobic, but that's nothing compared to the knowledge this time I've been purposely locked in there, and they don't intent to release me anytime soon.

And I'm right about that. No matter how much I cry out and knock the door for them to let me out, they don't. At some point I can't even hear them anymore, which makes me more desperate. They can't leave when I'm still here. What's the point in that?

"PLEASE! SOMEONE!" I scream over and over again as tears fall down my cheeks.

Hours have pass, or maybe minutes, but it feels too long and I'm scared I won't make it out today. It's getting cold which means it's getting darker, and no one is helping. How is that no one can open one single door?

"Please, someone... help me..." I cry breathe out, hiccuping and shivering.

I think it's fear what freezes my body, not the temperature.

By the time my throat is so sore from screaming, I finally start to accept they have abandoned me here. They won't come back and no one is going to help me.

Per usual.

I press my back against the door and slide down, burying my face in my knees as I hug my legs, just sobbing as my heart pumps only ice cold blood.

"Someone..." I breath out between sobs, but it's pointless. I know no one is helping me. I was abandoned, left completely alone, locked in a janitor closet until someone finds me. If that happens. They might as well leave me completely forgotten here.

The cruelty of this doesn't only freeze my body but also my heart. Every beat hurts and I can't stop shaking.

Why do they do this to me? Why can't they leave me one day alone? What do they even get from treating me like this? From leaving me like this?

What if I don't make it out by today or tomorrow? How's Mum going to react? Will college even notice what happened?

It hurts so much but I'm pretty sure they won't even care. If I were to die here I'm sure the headmaster would cover it up instead of making sure it never happens again. Not even in death they would acknowledge me.

Death. That would stop this, right? If I weren't here they wouldn't bother me. If I had killed myself already as they demanded, they would've never locked me in here. Is this my punishment for disobeying? Are they doing this because I've ignored their orders?

It's my fault... of course it's my fault. I should've disappeared. It's all my fault. I'm the one that makes them hate me. I'm the disgusting piece of shit that only wastes space. I'm what's wrong and they are just trying to put me in my place.

That's why no one cares.

That's why no one helps.

That's why everyone wants to step on me and destroy me.

It's all my fault. It's all me. And when I realise that I start laughing hysterically, a horrid sound that is mixed with throaty sobs that sound too inhuman even for me.

I cry and laugh, realising now that I was the one wrong. I should've listened sooner.

Then it's silence and cold, and as the night surely falls, I make a decision to rectify my wrongdoings and do what they want me to do. I'll give them that pleasure and fix everything because that's it. There's nothing left in me. There's nothing else to break.

I've finally learnt my lesson and I'll take my place now. And they'll see it... they'll enjoy it. They'll rejoice in my actions. It's for them. Everything is for them, so they can finally be happy.

I've heard you this time, I won't fight back anymore.

I give up.

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My baby Paige... I honestly hope these things only happen in fiction and reality is really far from this. 

Dedication to TilaKisil

Bel, xx

~updates on Tuesday~