her hands tapped against her thigh as the car pulled up at the large buildings.
"out you hop, kiddo. let me see that smile." her dad cheered, making her turn to him with a look of pure disgust, "alright have a nice day."
she stepped out of the vehicle as it sped away. she glanced around the school, a small crease forming above her eyebrows as the sun shun.
her feet slowly moved as she entered one of the main buildings, bile rising in her throat.
"welcome to college!" a goal roared beside her, making her body jolt and turn to her with a blank expression. "want a tour?"
"no." she muttered, shaking her head and walking away from the girl, leaving her confused.
aurora's house was only a few blocks away, meaning she had no need to have a room at the college. she breathed heavily as people rushed for different rooms. stumbling to grab her planner, students smashed into her sides. she sighed and flicked through the book, leading herself to her first class.
she hesitantly opened the door, peering inside to see all faces on her. she didn't want to be there. she wanted to be in the own company of herself in her room. the teacher glanced at her, waiting for her to take a seat. she looked around, realising she had to sit down. she scurried towards a seat next to a girl with blonde hair and brown eyes.
"hi." the girl said bluntly, making aurora turn to her and nod. "my name's melanie."
"my name's aurora." she sighed, scratching the back of her neck.
"it's nice to meet you, aurora. i think we could be great friends." melanie smiled and turned to face the front of the classroom.
aurora wasn't here to make friends, she was here to learn something she probably already knew. she liked to do things to take her mind off the fact that she felt like nothing. she used to go to girl scouts to help her focus on other things other than the fact that she felt she was worth nothing. untying a knot was a lot easier than untying a knot of pure misery.
this is the second time i write. i'm in college now, doing nothing. it's not exactly time consuming nor exciting. nothing really is exciting when you have no idea what it feels like to be excited. i've met a girl called melanie. she seems nice but i don't want to be her friend. it would be nice for company, but i wouldn't want to make them as miserable as me. the students here smell of rich perfume and cinnamon, a smell i am not used to, masking over the stench of my coconut and vanilla $20 perfume. day 2 and i am still sad, nothing has changed and college is not the best decision of a time waster.
the class soon finished, making aurora snap up from her writing and drop her pen on her desk. unable to finish what she was writing, she stuffed everything in her bag and headed outside.
"you can sit with me and my friend if you would like?" melanie smiled softly, making aurora look around in confusion.
"no it's okay, really." she shook her head and turned on her heels.
"don't be so silly," melanie scoffed, grabbing aurora by the wrist and guiding her through the campus.
aurora slowly pulled her arm away from melanie's and began top slowly follow behind her, her face full of dread and utter emptiness.
"someone picked up some road kill." a boy at the table melanie sat at scoffed, making aurora's eyes snap up to glare at him. his blonde hair neatly was pat over his forehead, his sparkling blue eyes making aurora feel aroused. "my name's luke."
"don't be so rude." the boy beside him snorted, his hazel eyes flickering as his hair glided through wind. "my name's ashton, this is michael-"
"hi." the boy spoke up, his bleached blonde hair poking up in random places. aurora gave him a curt nod and turned to the raven haired boy at the side of the table. his dark brown eyes focused on aurora as she moved carefully towards the spare seat across from him.
"and this is calum." ashton finished, glaring at michael for cutting off his sentence.
"thank god melanie made a friend that isn't either a loser or a guy." luke snorted and nudged melanie's side, making her frown. "now what's your name?"
"aurora." she mumbled and pulled her book out straight away, studying calum's face as he stared at her.
calum couldn't quite explain the feeling inside of him. she had a fixture of pure emptiness, which brought himself to becoming quite fond of her already. she glanced back at him with a face of sadness, making him tilt his head as she began to write in her black scratched notebook.
even though i never planned on doing it, i have made acquaintances. they seem bubbly and humorous. i don't like it. it makes me look like gutter garbage. surely after they get to know me, we will stay only acquaintances and nothing more. nobody would want to be friends with someone as desolate as myself. i feel bereft of conversation as they talk to each other like family. how am i to know how a family talks to each other properly?
aurora looked up as calum watched her carefully. "staring is rude." she mumbled, making him snap out of his stare and shake his head.
"sorry, uh, what are you writing?" he said softly, attempting make conversation.
"nothing." aurora cut him off, glancing into his eyes then deciding to get up from the table and walk off. the group watched her as she ignored melanie's voice yelling for her.
her feet tapped along the pavement as she approached the large library. the electronic doors opened with a loud screech, making her cringe.
"i don't like it. i don't." she muttered to herself and walked down the aisles. she felt her chest tighten as she felt a wash of sadness relief her at the feeling of loneliness. she put this on herself. she sat down at the reading area, glancing at those around her and pulled out her notebook again to jot down her sudden emotions.
day 2:
- i feel worse.
- i feel worthless.
- college doesn't distract one from the inner emptiness they feel inside
-neither does the constant glare of a boy called calum
-do i want to go on any longer feeling this way?
-i miss my home.
-is it possible to feel both deluded at the feeling of happiness that is yet to come and despair?
