The Pretenders

Thoughts

Chanel:
       Lately I have been having all these thoughts going throught my mind. I hear voices there getting louder and louder each day. Telling me im doing wrong. Or not living life they way god wanted me to.
        Telling me im not good enough or I'm never going to be worth anything. Suicidal thoughts are always going through my mind. But I know that's the coward way out. I have to think about my son. Because lately Alex has been distant I just really hope she isn't cheating because I can't take that on my heart right now.
         Kj is growing up so fast. Every day I look at him and see his dad. Nicole has been texting my phone every day saying how she misses me. I'm not going down that road again. I'm not in the right mind frame. I told Aalyiah about it and she told me.
      Your face isnt a mask don't hide it. Your skin isn't paper don't cut it. And your life isn't a movie don't end it. I repeat that to my self every day and night.

Aalyiah:
          I've been down lately just not being able to think right. I thought I was happy but I'm not. Garrett doesn't make me as happy as Andreas did. Even though he hit me I miss him. He is my kids father I will always love him.
        Garrett just doesn't complete me like he does because he isn't Andreas. He was my first everything he is getting better day by day. The more i see of him the more i fall in love with him each day.

Andreas:
          I've been bettering my self each and every day. I think of my boys and I want them to do better. And also be better then me. Aalyiah is also what keeps me going. I wanna get back together.  But I know that's not going to happen unless I get my self clean.

    I know she isn't happy with garrett. He can't keep her happy like I can. That's because she belongs to me and no body else. We were mad for each other. She is my soul mate so I'm going to get her back. That's a promise to me and my family.

Nicole:
I miss chanel so much I think about her everyday. The way she carried herself I should've loved her better. I can't even try to make this better. She made it hard for me to do so. Running into the arms of Alex. Knowing that we hated each other. Robert is the only one still with the love of his life.

      Andreas could've been to but he lost control over his self. I know him hitting aalyiah was just built up stress. He loved her with everything in him. But I know he regrets it and I regret how things ended to. I'm going to try to get wit chanel again but there's no guarantee that she still loves me.

      I should've loved her better. I should've showed her off. There is many more to go on about. But I just hope she forgives me and leaves alex. Because when and if I get her back in promise I'm  not letting her go again.

Rayleen:

      Me and Robert have been fine. We have date night every Saturday. We take the kids to the park and stuff too. We call that family day. My sisters have been going through alot. I feel bad that I'm the only one that's happy. Aalyiah misses Andreas she's tired of garrett.
       Chanel has it the toughest right now. She has been real suicidal and I'm the only one happy. I want what's best for my sisters. And to see them like that hurts. They deserve better then to be treated like that. I know that their happiness is with those two but like I've been saying you have to lose yourself to find yourself.
           Aaliyah is doing just that. Chanel has to find herself and in order to be happy and I can help because I know that deep down and inside that my sisters are going to be happy.
       We've been through so much that when they hurt I hurt even though I'm happy with Robert I can't before fully happy without them. They're all I've ever known we may have our ups and downs but. I know that when it all falls down I'll be there besides me fighting with me comforting me when I'm down holding me when I'm crying and just listening to me when I'm talking because.
         I would do the same for them we've been here in the same position. Our whole life where we just had each other and now we have to help each other get through our deepest darkest times. And I'm going to make sure that I'm not the only one that's happy because I know my sisters want their happiness too.
       We all deserve happily ever afters. And even though I don't have mine yet I'm getting to the point and I want my sisters to share too.
         So we have a bright future ahead of us and wonderful family to take care of take care. So just now that we're going to be happy because there's no place I'd rather be. Then to be here with them exploring the happiness together.