I dragged myself out of bed again today. Thin, grey light washed through the window this morning, and I was compelled to go out and meet it. It glinted off the windows and buildings and dissipated under the orange glow of street lamps. There was no heat in the air, so I drew my sweatshirt over my fingertips to keep the cold from gnawing at them. The sting of it felt good though. Stronger than the usual ache and creak of my bones from disuse.
It just felt more alive, I guess, like a wild animal nipping at my heels, urging me on. So I trudged, hands then thrust into my pockets (the wolf with its arctic breath still snapping at my feet every so often) into The Purple Onion. Besides a couple yawning baristas, there was no one there.
They weren't even properly open yet, but when my breath fogged up the glass, they let me inside. Frost clung to the tips of the grass, and I stayed until it melted away in the morning light. People streamed inside, the coming winter clinging to their clothes. When the coffee shop filled up, as it always does, I left.
After, I went to class. That's probably the first time in two weeks so, unsurprisingly, I didn't know what was going on. (You probably even knew I went to class before I told you; you can see where I was pretending these were notes again.)
Anyway, the professor droned on about something or other, and I remembered why I've been skipping. I could feel my attention drifting... I lack interest in anything besides my absolution. If we can call this that. Giving Clair my memory and my future probably won't redeem me. I probably don't deserve redemption anyway.
But that's not the point. I couldn't focus on the lecture. What does it matter? It can't help me or save me or whatever. It's so utterly pointless.
So I left.
And of course, I started thinking. I can't stop. My mind keeps whirring with words, one lapping over another in an endless tide.
When I finally sink to the bottom and get them all out, will there be anything left of me? Is nothingness the best I can hope for?
YOU ARE READING
Minnesota Goodbyes
Fiksi RemajaM., a college sophomore, is haunted by the events of a year ago that ended another girl's life. In an attempt to clear her conscience, she writes her confession down in a battered notebook addressed to a stranger. This search for redemption is far m...
